Shame
by Jonouchi Katsuya
Summary: Wishshipping. Things aren't the same since Yugi and Anzu became an item; Jonouchi feels like a third wheel. Yet Yugi cares more about him than about his girlfriend...
1. Chapter 1

**Shame  
>Wishshipping<strong> and Peachshipping  
><strong>by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly<strong>

.

Anzu, Jonouchi, and Yugi were sitting at their usual table in the food court of Domino's biggest and, well, only shopping mall.

"Too bad Honda couldn't make it. Now Jonouchi doesn't have anyone to beat!" Anzu laughed as she stepped first into the arcade.

Yugi let out a timid laugh at Jonouchi's expense, which earned him a quick glare.

"Oh really?" Jonouchi shifted his attention to Anzu. "I bet I can beat you."

Yugi was forcibly dragged along to a racing game he knew all to well. Anzu put one hand on her hip. "Aw come on, Jonouchi, don't go and pick the only game you're worth-"

"Two shits at? Fuck yeah I am!" Jonouchi laughed as he climbed into the seat, smiling from ear to ear.

"Well, don't let your ego get hurt too bad!" Anzu smirked as she climbed on hers, not caring that she was still wearing the skirt from her school uniform. She beckoned Yugi closer and he dutifully gave her a peck on the cheek. Somehow, he couldn't help but glance at Jonouchi immediately after, and somehow, he thought he'd seen something somber on his best friend's features.

.

"Okay, okay, best two outta three. Imma kick your ass this time," Jonouchi warned, wiping the sweat off his brow.

"Maybe next time you'll win?" Yugi said encouragingly from behind the pair.

"Hey, you're _my_ boyfriend-" she protested just as Jonouchi did: "Hey, bros before hoes!"

Anzu's lip curled up unevenly. "Jeez, Jou! Too far!" She slid off her seat nonchalantly, not looking at Jou. "You've had four 'best two out of three' already," she said, fishing for something in her purse. "Sorry guys, I gotta call my dad back."

Jou and Yugi watched her leave the noisy crowd temporarily. Jou slumped out of his seat. Yugi looked at his feet. "See, that's why Honda should've come," he said "Nobody cares if Honda loses."

Jonouchi smiled for good measure, but Yugi's meek attempt at humor did nothing to better his mood.

"Do you want to play a game?" Yugi asked.

"Nah, that's Anzu's score. Don't wanna ruin it."

A group of girls walked by and seized control of the game like the two boys weren't even there.

"Can we play a game _now?_" Yugi asked again. "I mean we might as well-"

"I know you don't really wanna play, Yug'. You just want to cheer me up. I know you." Jonouchi leaned back on a nearby wall and crossed his arms. Yugi despaired.

"Okay. I don't really mind not playing though, I just like hanging out with you guys."

"Yeah, well you don't really show it," Jonouchi reproached.

"I don't understand," Yugi said.

"We don't..." He sighed. "We don't do _guy_ stuff like we used to."

Yugi wrung his hands uncomfortably. "We're hanging out _now_," he offered. "And it's not like Anzu didn't hang out with us before, either."

"Yeah, but..." Jonouchi picked something from under his fingernail. It's just not the same now since you two started dating."

Yugi's face fell. He opened his mouth, trying to come up with something- But Anzu's re-entrance distracted him before he was able to form anything coherent.

"I got my dad to let me stay a little longer. But that only leaves about enough time for one game, I think," she said between two breaths.

"Alright, get ready to lose." Jonouchi said a little too eagerly.

"Oh, I'm tired of that game," she said, "and it's already taken anyway." She looked for a new game to play. "I sort of want to play with Yugi at least once before we leave."

"You can hang out with Yugi whenever. Chicken."

Anzu rolled her eyes. "But I can't play Attack of the Aliens with Yugi whenever. That's like... Our special game when we go to the arcade!"

"I don't mind skipping it just the one night," Yugi offered

"You can just plan your dates at the arcade," Jonouchi spat.

"Jonouchi Katsuya! Come on! Don't be a baby! That's like, a tradition Yugi and I have since before that. Come on, Yugi, let's go while it's free." She grabbed Yugi by the hand. He didn't protest. But silently, he'd wished she hadn't made such a fuss about it. It was just a game. And he wouldn't tell her, but he found it less and less entertaining every time.

Jonouchi followed, stood idly behind the lovers while they got hold of their 90s-ish, giant purple machine guns. He sighed loudly but no one heard him. He dug his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight impatiently.

Anzu and Yugi laughed their heads off as green slime splashed their screens from the inside. Anzu's yells were too high pitched for Jonouchi's tastes. It got on his nerves. It felt so awkward being her friend. There was a time he really liked her but now that she was dating Yugi, she acted differently. She probably would argue that, too. Everything he did was somehow bad for Yugi. So overbearing.

And he could tell Yugi was giving her all the good opportunities to get the higher scores. That seemed to get on his nerves even more. It wasn't just like this with Anzu, because she was a girl or because she was his girlfriend. Yugi was annoyingly selfless with everyone around him.

And everyone took advantage of it. Everyone was just too selfish to pay it back to Yugi. Even he felt guilty of it from time to time. Yugi was so inordinately kind, it was hard to pay him back. He wished briefly that he had more than just his friendship to offer him. Personal body guard only worked for so much.

"I won! Oh my God Yugi I think I beat my own high score!" She hugged the boy, lifting him off the ground easily. She then gave Yugi another peck on the cheek and gave Jonouchi a glance, frowning when she was he was staring.

"Look away! No peeking!"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Jonouchi grumbled.

Yugi winced - he'd never been keen on strong language, or on Jonouchi getting angry.

"It wont be a date..." Jonouchi muttered with poisonous sarcasm.

Anzu bit her lip. She did promise Jou he wouldn't feel like a third wheel, after all.

Yugi stepped away from her, as if he'd done something wrong.

"Well now, you've got Yugi all for yourself," she said, putting her remaining tokens in the palm of his hand before walking past him out of the arcade.

"Pssht... I don't want them." Jonouchi muttered. "Here."

"No, I don't need them, either. You can keep them for next time. Assuming there's going to be a next time," Jonouchi grumbled.

Yugi looked properly devastated.

"It's not what I meant... Just keep them and give them back to Anzu when you guys come back here on a date."

"Jonouchi..." Resigned, not daring to insist, Yugi took the tokens. "Let's go for ice cream," he said brightly.

"Nah... I'm not hungry."

"But it's not real food! Come on!"

Yugi's good mood was starting to rub on Jonouchi and he didn't like it.

"Without both Honda and Anzu... it's just not the same. Forget it. It was a fun night. Somehow. Let's just go. I probably should be getting home now if I don't want to piss off my old man."

"Please? For the tokens. You can't let me owe you forever. Just some ice cream and then we can go."

"Okay, I guess. But I'm paying my part," he conceded.

Yugi clearly didn't mind who was going to pay or what they were going to eat. He was just happy he could salvage their botched evening.

.

Together with Yugi and Jonouchi's leftover change, there was just enough to buy one item on the menu, so they ended up sharing an ice cream sandwich. They couldn't very well split it in half, nor eat it with utensils, so it was decided that they'd take turns to bite in the thing until it was gone.

Jonouchi only realized halfway through the sandwich that Yugi wasn't eating as much as he should.

"Hey, we said we'd split half and half. You're taking smaller bites."

"Oops," Yugi giggled. "I just wanted you to have more!"

"I don't even like ice cream sandwiches."

Yugi looked saddened by the trivial news.

"...That much, I mean. Sweets are unmanly."

Yugi rolled his eyes. "I guess you've got to give me your smarties, then."

"Hey! Smarties don't count."

"Whatever," Yugi chuckled.

The sandwich lay half consumed on the table, nestled in its opened wrapper.

"It's gonna melt."

"I know. Really, I want you to have it, Jou."

"You think a half-eaten ice cream sandwich will repair this botched night, huh?" Jonouchi smirked.

Yugi blushed. "I didn't think it was that bad..." Yugi adverted his eyes from Jonouchi.

Jonouchi sighed. "I suppose you're right. I'm just being a selfish delinquent." He winked.

A few moments of silence passed. Jonouchi looked around to make sure no one was near them. They were still the only ones in the ice cream parlor. "So, have you guys done it?" Jonouchi said in a overly excited whisper that might as well have been spoken.

Yugi froze at Jonouchi's question. "Done what?"

Jonouchi narrowed his eyes, mimicing the face he makes when he is squinting at mosaics. "You know?" Jonouchi smirked. "With Anzu?"

Yugi's eyes widened. "Jonouchi! Don't ask me about that! Anzu's not that kind of girl!" Yugi waved his arms defensively in front of him. "We've only been dating for three months..."

"Hey, most guys I know would have already done the deed if you know what I mean. Lotsa guys talk about her-" Jonouchi made a motion with his hands like he had large breasts.

Yugi closed his eyes, "Who cares about those guys anyway? Anzu says that they are all a bunch of stupid pervs."

Jonouchi took a bite of the idle sandwich.

"We haven't done anything yet, I guess," Yugi confessed. "I want to, but I don't want her to think I'm like those other guys."

Jonouchi raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Hey! Relationships aren't all about sex!"

"But like, you've kissed though, right?"

Yugi looked away.

"You guys haven't even kissed yet? Come on, everyone's done that!"

"You've never even had a girlfriend."

"Hey, I count Mai. Not only that, we did stuff-"

"Jou-"

"She gave me a handjob once. Just like that."

"Jonouchi!" Yugi spied their surroundings, afraid they'd be heard by other patrons. There weren't too many. It was getting late and the mall wasn't really a popular place to go on Tuesday evenings. "I really didn't want to know that," he said in a half whisper. Yugi didn't want to admit that he was kind of jealous. He wondered what it was like for someone else to touch him there. Yugi swallowed what little spit he had in his mouth. He could feel a slight tightness in his underwear.

"That's what it's all about, little man. It's not about holding hands at the arcade."

"Anzu's kissed me lots of times-"

"Cheek doesn't count, Yugi."

Judging by Yugi's defeated look, Jonouchi felt the immediate desire to retract his previous statement

"Meh, it doesn't matter either way."

Yugi uncrossed and crossed his legs again. For some reason, hanging around Anzu had made him much more sensitive to sexual talks about women. He used to have conversations all the time with Jonouchi just like this only about girls in pornos. But what they were talking about now was so much more personal than that.

"Is Mai a good kisser? I've always wanted to know."

Jonouchi blushed at the question. Wished it would just go away and not give away the truth so easily but he couldn't have hid from Yugi anyway.

"Heh, you shouldn't have asked me about Anzu if you didn't wanna pony up the details on Mai," Yugi said bitterly.

"Look, we weren't even really... I don't even know how- … She just gave me a handjob and it felt good, okay?"

Something stirred inside Yugi. He'd hate to feel aroused by that story now that he knew it didn't have such a happy ending...

"Let's go home," Yugi said.

"M'kay."

They threw away the puddle of soaked cookie and set out for the exit.

"Shit, man, I almost forgot my dad's home tonight."

"Oh..." Yugi knew how things could turn out when Jonouchi and his father were together.

"Now my evening's totally fucked, like, for good."

"Just don't go." Yugi said plainly.

"Easy for you to say." Jonouchi rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm serious. Come to my place. You know Gramps won't mind."

Jonouchi didn't want to become Yugi's little charity case. Deep down, he knew that Yugi didn't mean it that way. "Nah, I'm good. It ain't so bad."

They both knew this was a lie.

"Just come! You can shower and have breakfast and everything. We'll go straight to school and you won't have to see your father."

"But wouldn't Anzu find it weird, though?"

"Oh, I'm sure she won't mind. If you were a girl then I don't know, haha."

"No, wouldn't she be jealous or something? That she didn't get to spend the rest of the evening with us..." Jonouchi stopped. He wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"No really, she wouldn't mind." In fact, Yugi had no idea what her thoughts were on the issue. They didn't really discuss that kind of stuff. Their relationship hadn't changed too much from when they were friends. Their circle of friends, their activities had remained the same. Except that now they held hands in public and cuddled during movies (but they played video games way more often).

"So you're coming?" Yugi did the puppy eyes thing that no one could resist.

"Augh! Quit nagging me already. I'll do it. But it's just to get you to shut up." Jonouchi ruffled Yugi's hair for good measure.

.

The bus was nearly full, so they couldn't sit next to each other for the ride home. Yugi stood up two stops before his, walked up to Jonouchi. "We're getting off soon."

From his seated position, Jonouchi's eyes were about at Yugi's waist. He couldn't help but notice how thin his was from this unusual viewpoint.

They got off at the busy intersection on which the Kame Game Shop was located. Crossed the street in silence. When they arrived to the backdoor of the building, the one that lead to the Mutou's home above the shop, Jonouchi had a second thought.

"You're sure that your Grandpa won't mind? If he does, I'm fucked. Even if I catch the next bus downtown form here, there won't be any transfers left for me." Jonouchi sighed and tried to relax himself despite feeling like he was going to boil over for whatever reason. Whatever he could do to get out of going home was worth it.

"Well... I'll convince him." Yugi gave him a sheepish grin.

"Knew it," Jonouchi muttered in his breath. Yugi either didn't hear or pretended not to hear.

The stairs were narrow and steep. Jonouchi found himself staring at Yugi's ass. It was smaller than most girls'. Wait... He looked away.

"Grandpa!" Yugi closed and locked the door behind them. "Grandpa I'm home!" He called out, louder this time. He took his shoes off; Jonouchi did the same.

"There's pasta in the fridge," the old man could be heard saying from the other room.

Jonouchi shifted his weight. His stomach growled.

"Thanks Grandpa!" Yugi turned to Jonouchi. "You can have it, I'm not hungry."

"Tell your Grandpa I'm here," Jonouchi pressed. He knew how his father would react if he didn't introduce a guest the moment they set foot in their apartment. Assuming he'd bring anyone over.

"Relax, there's a way." Yugi put the pasta in the microwave for Jonouchi to it and handed him a fork before trotting to the living room.

Jonouchi's stomach wouldn't let him not open the microwave when it beeped. He sat down at the table and began forking down the spaghetti right away. He didn't mind the cold patches; it wasn't until he almost burnt his tongue with the hot ones that he took the time to stir the pasta. It wasn't the best pasta, but it was good to eat something that he hadn't cooked himself for once.

.

"How was your day?" Sugoroku Mutou was watching Desperate Housewives reruns on TV in his blue fluffy robe.

"Not bad. We didn't get to play much at the arcade though. Hey, Grandpa..."

The old man's 'Can I please...' senses tingled. "What is it that you want?"

"Can my friend sleep over tonight?"

His grandson couldn't possibly be asking... "Is it a girl... friend?"

"No, it's just a friend-friend. A guy," he specified.

"Oh. You gave me a scare, there. Sure, if you boys want to do your thing. You're old enough, I can't tell you what to do anymore. But I'd appreciate if you told me in advance."

"You're the best, Grandpa." Yugi gave him the ritual hug before going back to the kitchen.

He gave Jonouchi a major thumbs up. Jonouchi's face lit up.

"Awesome, man." Jonouchi looked noticeably relieved. Much more like the Jonouchi Yugi knew and loved as his best friend. "Awright! So, what do you wanna do?"

"Do you want to play SoulCalibur 3?"

"You suck at that game. You just want to make me feel good and win." Jonouchi pouted.

"Hey! I'm not super good but I don't suck!"

"Just stating the truth."

Yugi raised an eyebrow "Oh really now? I BET I can beat you."

"What is there to bet? The tokens from earlier? I wouldn't wanna bet those..." Jonouchi scratched the back of his head trying to think about something they could use to wager.

"Winner gets to pick who sleeps where."

"I thought I would just sleep on the couch?"

"Nuh-uh. Grandpa just bought a new one. Leather and all. Off-limits."

"Well I don't want to sleep in your bed anyway. I mean... It's your bed," he repeated as if to make a point. "Especially after knowing you and Anzu haven't done the nasty."

"Well p-precisely," Yugi said, blushing furiously, "you should... sleep in it now while you've got the chance before we actually do it." He was utterly unconvinced by what he'd just said. To him, the idea of having sex with Anzu was a very abstract one, still.

"Whatever. I'm kicking your ass and then I get to tell you where to sleep, you sleep in your own bed, I don't, and that's that."

"Heh." Yugi merely smirked mischievously as he placed Jonouchi's empty plate in the sink. They walked to his bedroom and closed the door behind them.

Yugi unplugged the headphones from his television set and set the game station. Jonouchi glanced furtively at the room around him. Dark Magician girl, pictures of their friends, Yugi's family.

Yugi sat down on the edge of the bed. It was squished right next to the wall. Jonouchi joined him reluctantly, sitting on the floor, but leaning against the bed. Yugi handed him his controller and sat on the floor next to him.

"You don't have to."

"Well I didn't want to be like, higher than you. It'd be weird."

"What do you do when Anzu comes over to play?"

"She sits in the chair," Yugi replied automatically.

They started the game. Jonouchi picked his own usual sword fighter. Yugi picked a custom made, dagger wielding ninja.

"That's new. Is that Anzu's?"

"Nope. Anzu plays Ivy." A scantily clad, strong female fighter with a retractable sword.

"You've been practicing."

Yugi smirked.

"You little- Damn!" Jonouchi wasn't so confident, now. And he couldn't believe Yugi had him trapped!

"Backing up now?"

"Hell no. It's on. Best twenty out of thirty."

Yugi whistled in admiration. "Someone's getting serious!"

"I always am."

"Haha. And I'm the Queen of England."

Fifteen fights later (out of twenty plus three that didn't count), Jonouchi conceded victory to the Queen of England.

"Shit. These daggers are way too fast. Man."

"We were tied most of the time, actually." Yugi stood up and stretched.

"I was rusty."

"Maybe it's just bad luck. You can't always blame yourself, Jonouchi."

"Maybe you're right."

Yugi smiled warmly. "Whoa, I'm getting real tired all of a sudden. You can keep playing, with my headphones. I don't mind. I'm going to sleep."

"Uh yeah... Speaking about that... We should just share your bed. I mean, if you want to. I'd feel bad if you slept on the floor. Like, really."

"Are you sure? It'll be crowded."

Jonouchi felt relieved that Yugi didn't actually mind sharing with him, that he didn't think he was gross or anything. Silly thought to have.

"Yeah. It's just the one night. Won't kill us."

"Yeah. True. I'll get you some PJ's before I go to sleep."

"Uh, I'm not gonna play anymore. I'm tired, too."

"Okay. Do you want to shower or anything?"

"I dunno... Do I smell?" Jonouchi laughed nervously.

"I wouldn't have sat next to you the whole time and won if you smelled. Don't worry."

"Kay."

Yugi rummaged through the top drawer of his commode.

"Oh, I usually just sleep in my boxers."

Yugi blushed. "Maybe I should let you borrow some of my pajama bottoms."

"I am way too big for those."

"They stretch."

Jonouchi just gave him a weird look. Yugi laughed it off.

Jonouchi took off his vest and shirt. His pants. Kept his socks on. Arranged everything in a pile in a corner near the wall and the bed.

He sat back on the bed. The springs felt sturdy. Good. He patted the pillows. The thicker one was more his type. He'd ask Yugi for it when he comes back.

He wasn't actually tired.

Yugi came back from the bathroom wearing PJ pants and a T-shirt. "We'll have to keep quiet. My grandfather went to bed."

Jonouchi nodded in the darkness.

Yugi turned off the TV and game console.

"Can I have the thicker pillow?" Jonouchi asked.

"Yeah, sure. I think it's better if you sleep near the wall. I get up a lot at night, and I'd keep waking you if I didn't sleep on the side."

"Okay." Jonouchi slid under the covers. The bed looked wide enough so their bodies wouldn't be touching if they were careful. Soon enough Yugi joined him. His knee knocked against his hip.

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

Yugi closed his eyes.

Jonouchi stayed perfectly still, holding his breath almost. His brain was suddenly more awake than at school when it was supposed to be. Then, Jonouchi had a eureka moment. "You know, I'm starting to think Honda ditched us for Miho."

"You think?"

"I'm pretty sure of it."

"Maybe they're making out right now." Yugi chuckled nervously.

"Damn..."

"Did you have anyone else? Besides Mai I mean."

"Nah. I'm waiting for the right one. Haha." Jonouchi rolled over and hitched himself on his elbows.

"Hm..."

Yugi turned his head and looked at where Jou's voice was coming from. His eyes weren't used to the darkness yet. "You..." He turned back and stared up at the invisible ceiling.

"I what?"

Yugi felt like saying it was nothing but felt a sudden wind of courage. "What was it like?"

"What?"

"The... You know. The handjob."

"Oh. Um... I dunno."

Yugi turned to Jonouchi again. This time, he could make out his silhouette. He was looking straight ahead of him. Suddenly he didn't need to know anymore. He tried to chase the images that were flooding his mind. Mai's hand on Jou's cock. Yugi never had anyone touch his cock. He'd felt Anzu thigh press against it through the fabric of his jeans when they hugged. But that wasn't even sexual.

"It was pretty fast actually." Jonouchi's voice lowered a notch. "I kept my eyes closed the whole time. We were... Somewhere public. I was kinda nervous actually. Is it stupid that I'm telling you that?"

"No... No. Is it stupid that I wonder what a kiss feels like?"

Silence.

Yugi saw Jonouchi turn to him. He could see the shine of his eyes dart in the darkness. Searching.

Jonouchi readjusted his body and caressed Yugi's cheek. Jonouchi impulsively kissed Yugi. He'd closed in swiftly, but the kiss was soft. So soft, it was barely a kiss. Yugi slightly parted his lips and Jonouchi's bottom lip, caught between two of his.

Yugi realized he didn't have to hold his breath. And that he could sort of taste Jonouchi's breath. Bell peppers and tomato from the pasta dish. Yugi wondered if Jou felt him smile against his lips.

Jonouchi pulled away for a short moment to take in Yugi's reaction. His eyes had adjusted to the blue dark and could see quite clearly Yugi's confused expression. Which is why Jonouchi was so bewildered when Yugi pulled him in for more

Jonouchi let him. Jonouchi shifted part of his weight on top of Yugi so that his forearm rested on his chest.

Yugi raised his hands slightly, hesitating.

Then Jonouchi dove into the kiss as well. Yugi brought his hands to Jonouchi's neck.

Jonouchi parted the kiss. Their noses still touched.

Yugi pulled Jonouchi back in. Dug his fingers into his hair. Frazzled tips from being bleached so much. He started making erratic, circular motions to his scalp. It was warm. A little moist.

Jonouchi returned the kiss, squishing his lips against Yugi's a bit gauchely.

Yugi hadn't expected the wetness. And the noises. Even though he did his best to remain silent. It wasn't the kiss by itself that was as magical as it was made to look like in the movies. It was the pleasant warmth he felt inside his chest, and down... between his legs.

Yugi relaxed his lips rest for a moment, letting Jonouchi pepper them with kisses. He rolled over to the side and felt Jonouchi's bulge a second too late, a second before it brushed against his own. Electricity rushed to the base of his groin and he couldn't suppress a moan into the other boy's mouth.

Jonouchi broke free from the kiss, hitched himself back, retreating completely. Without a word or a sound.

Yugi just remained on his back panting, his hands cradling the void. He laid his arms down on his sides, carefully, as if they were going to break.

Jonouchi stayed perfectly still, in an uncomfortable position. Yugi saw him shake. Or thought he did.

Yugi sit up abruptly. "I'll... Be right back." He slipped out of the covers and out of the bedroom.

The bathroom light hurt his eyes. His lips were actually a little bloated where they'd been kissed. Yugi touched the redness around them. His fingers slightly sticky with their mingled saliva. He splashed water in his face and wiped it with the hand towel, then sat on the closed lid of the toilet.

He was hard.

There was no denying it. Yugi knew he wasn't about to fall asleep anytime soon if he didn't do anything about it. He swallowed, then freed his cock from his pants. It felt incredibly sensitive.

Okay, he could do this. He'd done it before. Just not with his best friend on his mind. He closed his eyes and gave a first stroke. It felt good. He tightened his grip and breathed in sharply.

It shouldn't be feeling so good.

An image of Jonouchi appeared behind his eyelids. Kissing him.

He grabbed his foreskin lightly between his thumb and index, sliding it over the head and forth, intently watching the foreskin engulfing and releasing his glistening glans, wet with precum. He gave a long stroke, from the tip to the bottom and back again. He stopped and exhaled sharply, already on the verge of release but not yet wanting it. He closed his eyes again. God.

He imagined Jonouchi's body on top of his. His weight. His lips. His hand roaming from his stomach to his inner thigh. Touching him gently with his big callused hands. Some wires crossed in his head and he imagined what Jonouchi's penis looks like and how it could softly rub up against his.

He resumed his caresses, slowly. He stroked the tip of his cock with his index and slipped his now lubricated fingertip at the base of his glans, pulling back the foreskin. He rubbed his wet finger around in the little nook he felt there. His rock hard penis grew harder, impossibly hard, so hard it hurt, as he grew near the point of no return. Unable to stop, he grabbed his shaft fully, strongly, and started pulling back and forth, feeling the soft skin moving over the hard shaft, swaying his balls in a lilting cadence to the stroke. He stopped breathing as his loins suddenly ached and his groin felt empty, as if caught in a vacuum, and willed himself not to come, not yet, savoring the ache, the calm before the storm, but it lasted only a moment before a hot streamed of semen erupted from his penis, then another. He closed his eyes and grimaced as he climaxed, stroking hard and slow, as if coaxing the last few drops to leave.

He started breathing again, feeling spent and a bit ashamed. He contemplated the sticky discharge on his fingers with a bizarre fascination, as if it didn't belong to him.

He wiped himself clean with toilet paper, washed his hands twice, splashed more water in his face. The reflection in the mirror made him feel sick. He had no idea what he was going to say to Anzu, if anything at all. It was just a kiss..., Yugi thought.

Now it was more than that.

**A/N: Please review! I am probably going to have more chapters. Please tell me and my friend Yllimilly what you think by reviewing. I know Wishshipping isn't the most popular pairing around but, we are hoping for this to get pretty angsty and steamy. :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Shame**

a YuGiOh! fanfic by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly

Yugi/Joey, Anzu/Yugi

Chapter Two

.

"What I really like is when a guy puts his hands around my waist when we walk."

"Yeah, I like that too."

"Or when he like, rubs his nose against mine before we kiss, to sort of ask permission?"

"So cute!"

"Well, he touched me down there and then we went all-the-way!"

Miho and her friends were talking about what they did with their boyfriends over the weekend. Unapologetic sex talk wasn't uncommon over a tray of lunch or even over school breakfast in the morning. The boys were usually too busy being obsessed with duel monsters to even want to eavesdrop on their salacious conversations. Girls needed their gossip time.

"So, Anzu? What did _you_ do with Yugi?" Miho asked in almost as an accusing tone.

All the girls at the table 'oohed' in a mocking tone. They all knew the answer was nothing but they waited for Anzu to admit it. Anzu hoped they really didn't know that they had only kissed in the slightly more than friends way two weeks ago across their 3 month long relationship.

"Well... you see... me and Yugi- Well..." Anzu stumbled to find the words. "We went on a date last night and he was so sweet. He opened the doors for me and he let me win games at the arcade. After that we kissed and I had to go." Anzu smiled, hoping the girls wouldn't pry further into her personal life.

"What kind of kiss?" Miho said half teasing. "Tongues yet?"

Anzu looked down, breath choking her. She cleared her throat. "Not yet but we are planning a little something tonight." Anzu winked, trying to give off the impression that she was confident. Her nerves were shaking.

"Are you going to make out with Yugi finally?"

Anzu nodded quickly and a smile spread across her face despite dying of embarrassment.

All her female friends clapped with approval. Just then, the boys all looked over. Honda walked up and wrapped his arms around Miho. He sweetly kissed her cheek and then her mouth. Miho deepened the kiss to show off to her friends. When the kiss ended, Miho's eyes were sparkling. "I love you darling!"

"I love you too, hunbun!" Honda said with a slight blush on his face.

Jonouchi overheard this very adorable pet name and started to laugh obnoxiously. The other boys followed with various catcalls to tease their comrade in the most loving fashion. A roar of barking echoed in the cafeteria. Not that it really could be heard that much over everyone else talking. Miho rolled her eyes and shrugged.

Anzu suddenly wondered where Yugi was. Normally he would have been here by now. Most mornings they would walk to school together, but this morning he yelled through the door that he would arrive later. Anzu worried that Yugi would be late.

.

"Holy shit, dude, you steal your grandma's lunch or what?"

Jonouchi gave him a sideward glance, hoping he'd drop the topic.

Nope. Honda snatched the portable yogurt from him and Jonouchi reached to get it back. Honda held the Yogurt up and read it from far above his head.

"Fat free yogurt, man, you are not kidding, my man. Gotta lose those extra pounds of yours." Honda tossed the yogurt back to Jonouchi.

Jonouchi gave his head a light shake. "Shut up, man. It's more filling."

"More filling than what?"

_Than my fruit roll, that I gave to Yugi, because his grandpa wouldn't let him leave the house without a sermon on how empty sugars are bad for you and I frankly don't want you knowing that I'm eating a sandwich that was made by an old man at six in the morning because I've been sleeping over and... _

"Than your... Whatever... Salad thing you're eating."

"Pasta salad, moron. And pasta's filling you, idiot."

"So, um, what did you guys do yesterday?" Ryou asked, dimpling at the group like there was no tension whatsoever.

"Jonouchi's got his ass kicked at the arcade," said Honda, jumping on the occasion.

"You weren't even there," Jonouchi shot back.

Yugi and Anzu walked by the table, standing expectantly. Ryou squished so that Anzu could walk behind him. That meant Jonouchi would have to do the same. Instead, he stared at his crust-deprived sandwich.

"I just happen to know things from a very reliable source," Honda asserted smugly, blissfully unaware of anything... Of anyone, really.

Jonouchi looked up and met Yugi's gaze. For no reason at all, they had a moment. An awkward one. Joey started moving to the edge of his seat, then changed his mind and swiped his stuff over with one arm movement and scooted over to the side, giving enough room for Yugi and Anzu to sit. Yugi as always chose the seat right next to him. Jonouchi felt uncomfortable but tried not to let the gang see that anything was wrong.

Of all things, Jonouchi had the bad luck to be reminded of how his seat would be when Yugi would sit on it. He was dying to know if the same thing was on Yugi's mind right now.

But Yugi's timid, little, yelp-like 'thank you' gave no insight to that.

"Why'd you move over? I can,t be in front of Yugi anymore," Anzu deplored.

"Can't stick your foot on his-"

"Shut up, Honda," Joey snapped. "Really. We're eating. Just shut up."

"Woo, _some_body's got their mind in the gutter!"

Ryou couldn't hold back a chuckle. Yugi swallowed and pretended to be fully absorbed into the important task of unpacking his lunch.

Anzu was already munching on a celeri stalk.

"I thought you didn't like celeri," Yugi inquired.

"Oh, it's just... It's just one of those things, I guess." She pulled off a forced smile. She hated to admit that, well, she'd started finding herself-

"Jonouchi, hand over the zero plus," Honda chimed in, motioning for the blond to hand over his 'filler'. Anzu looked at the yogurt in surprise. "That's the same thing your grandpa eats, Yugi."

Jonouchi stopped munching.

"I..." Ryou starts tentatively. "I hear it was on special," he dropped, and everyone else did just that. Drop the topic.

But Anzu remained thoughtful.

A little hastily, Jonouchi tossed over the yogurt. "You should have it. I'm not super hungry anyway."

"Does that remind you of-"

"NO. Don't even. Don't even think about making that joke," Jonouchi cut.

It startled Honda a little, then shut him for good. Well for a while, at least. He gave Jonouchi another knowing look before digging in his sloppy joe. Ryou was happy minding his own business - he was quite good at that, in fact. And Anzu gave Joey one last look before shifting her attention to Yugi again, starting a quieter conversation between just the two of them.

She didn't touch the yogurt.

Now Joey wanted it back. But he wasn't so sure anymore.

It was white and creamy.

And it reminded him that he'd jacked himself off this very morning, in his friend's very own shower, while he was helping his grandfather prepare him lunch.

And now he couldn't help but look at Yugi's mouth. Anzu was decent enough to stop trying to feed him when he asked, but otherwise - otherwise she was acting really weird today, trying to be the cute girlfriend who bakes him cookies and gets to hold his hand in public and sit on his lap at parties because it's okay if they're a little drunk and they drink from one another's beer bottles and it's a-okay...

He looked up, and Ryou smiled politely when their gaze crossed. How long had he been looking at him like that?

Well, it didn't matter. Ryou was Ryou - a little strange on the side, and really, it's not like he could read Joey's thoughts, anyway.

.

Yugi cleared his plate, then Grandpa's and gave the sink a good rinse. The television set roared in the living room and Yugi knew Grandpa has started his evening ritual and that it would take a lot to bother him - and relationship questions weren't in order. Yugi's grandfather still saw him as a little child, and couldn't possibly fathom his grandson having romantic feelings for a girl, even less for a... erm...

The phone rang and Grandpa set the tv set to mute. "Yugi! Phone!"

"I'll get it!"

Yugi looked at the caller I.D.. He didn't recognize the number. He answered it anyway. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

Jonouchi? Although he knew who it was, his voice sounded so faint and listless. So unlike him.

"Are you OK?" He could feel a frog crawl up into his throat. What kind of question was that? He did feel something was amiss, but he knew that Jonouchi would never _ever_ admit he was _not_ okay, not even to Yugi, not even if he was being mauled by rabid bears.

Jonouchi cleared his throat, "Yeah, yeah. Um, I think I forgot my keys at your house. I'm at a neighbors so I can't just talk. Gotta go. I'm coming over."

Yugi wasn't prepared for this. He drummed his fingers against the receiver, then hung up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shame**

a YuGiOh! fanfic by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly

Yugi/Jonouchi, Anzu/Yugi

Chapter Three

.

There was no need to tell grandpa about the visit, because Jonouchi was not going to stay over.

Augh.

That wasn't Jonouchi's first sleepover. Far from it. Jonouchi was always ready to crash at Yugi's place, and Yugi was always ready to have him over. It wasn't even clear who did the inviting anymore; it felt natural, mutual. Heck, they'd always shared a bed, and it hadn't been a problem until now. There had never been any kind of awkwardness in it.

In fact, when Yugi did think about it, yesterday _was_ a first of sorts. First time Jonouchi slept over since he and Anzu had started dating. First time Yugi had become so horny from Jonouchi's presence that release was needed.

Their first sleepovers had started taking place not too long after he and Jonouchi became friends - and that coincided with the onset of Yugi's puberty. (He'd been a late bloomer.) And so, whenever Jonouchi had slept next to him, he'd attributed his timid erections to just that. Puberty. The natural order of things. He'd convinced himself that his body was reacting just because of the presence of a warm body next to his. After all, Yugi would get the same reaction from looking at Anzu's breasts; he had concluded that he was simply in a period of transition, like they said in his sexual education classes. Plus, with time, Yugi was less and less affected by Jonouchi's sleeping in his bed. So any theory of attraction had been thankfully ruled out.

But yesterday, they'd been talking about handjobs and kisses, and some wires had crossed in Yugi's brain, and he'd become painfully aroused even before Jonouchi unexpectedly started kissing him. It had been his first kiss, and not only it had been just as good as he'd imagined - it had been... _special_...

He hadn't expected Jonouchi to be so gentle. He knew Jonouchi was a good person, but he'd never shown such sweetness to Yugi before. Or to anyone, as far as he knew.

Jonouchi hadn't ever acted this way before. He'd done far greater things for Yugi than give him a kiss. Jonouchi had beaten up people and been beaten up by people for Yugi. And Yugi would never have found out if it weren't for Tristan who could never keep his mouth shut. Yet whenever Jonouchi showed up at school the next day with a cut lip, he'd call Yugi a twat for eating fat free yogurt and ruin his hairdo by ruffling a calloused hand in his hair.

Shaking himself from these thoughts, Yugi searched his room for Jonouchi's keys. First he got on the bed, a location he knew Jonouchi was in. From there, Yugi lifted up part of the draping sheet to see if he could glimpse a metallic glimmer. He thought he saw one, but it turned out to only be an old Duel Monsters booster pack wrapper that he had neglected to throw away. When he couldn't take the blood rushing to his head any longer, he pulled back up. The keys weren't there.

Yugi stood up and took a few steps to his dresser.

He closed his eyes, remembering how their shafts had brushed against one another yesterday, and the shiver that ensued. His fingers, as if moved by a will of their own, were brushing on the soft fabric of his school slacks.

Yugi was dying to know whether Jonouchi had felt the same.

The same... warmth in his loins.

He sat down on the bed, swallowed, then unzipped his pants. He was already hard. Yugi's eyes flickered around the room and stopped on the door. Furtively, he dashed to the door and closed it, then locked it, relieved that his grandpa hadn't seen him in the process of undressing himself.

When he came back to the bed he undid the sheets and dove in them, sinking his head in the pillow where Jonouchi's head had rested for the night. He could breathe in the distinct scent of his nape, of his skin. Yugi simply lay on his belly, content and aroused. He didn't even realize he'd begun to hump the mattress in slow, rhythmic motions. He closed his eyes again and imagined himself on top of Jonouchi, kissing him. His hips kept grinding at the bed; his fists were balled in the comforter. Yugi felt hot and flushed. The pillow smelled of Jonouchi's hair.

And then the phone rang.

Yugi hurriedly buttoned his pants, hoping grandpa wouldn't notice that his fly was open, and he frantically unlocked the door before rushing out of his room to grab the phone in time. Grandpa never got the phone in time, and his mom was far too busy to be answering the phone. When he reached it on its third ring, he didn't even look at the caller ID before answering it.

"Hey Yugi!"

It was Anzu.

"Hey, Anzu. How are you?" Yugi asked, injecting just the necessary amount of cheer into his voice.

"Well, I was wondering if you and I could... if you and I could... have some time alone for some- to do some homework."

Yugi blushed. "Well, Jonouchi is going to stop by to get his keys, but I think I'm free. Just-" Yugi looked at the calendar, "I don't seem to have anything on the calendar that we're supposed to be doing, so I think it is going to be alright. If you come over I mean." He was blabbering. Gosh he was so nervous. He hoped Anzu didn't suspect anything.

"I'll be there at seven?" Anzu asked flirtatiously.

"Umm, sure." Yugi didn't know what else to say.

"'Bye, Yugi."

"'Bye."

As Yugi hung up the phone, he saw Jonouchi's keys on the counter. He wondered how he hadn't seen them the first time when he was talking to Jonouchi on the phone. Or why Jonouchi had forgotten them in the first place. Maybe Grandpa found them elsewhere and placed them there, meaning to tell or ask Yugi about it at some point.

He trotted to the living room and sat next to his grandpa on the edge of the new leather couch.

"Jonouchi's coming over to pick up his keys."

His grandpa muted the TV set.

"Oh! So those were his. Did you find them? I put them on the counter. They were on the bathroom floor."

Yugi nodded.

"And Anzu's coming over at seven." Then: "We're going to do homework."

Grandpa flashed him a grin he didn't like. "Homework, eh?"

Yugi was cowed. He bit his lip.

"Yes. Is it okay?"

Another creepy grin. Well, creepy by Yugi's standards.

"So... how long have you been courting her?"

"It's not courting. We're dating. She's my girlfriend."

"You know what I mean," Sugoroku patted his grandson's knee patronizingly. "What you want to do, while you're 'multiplying', is make sure you're doing something to prevent the _multiplication_."

Yugi blinked. "I don't understand."

Grandpa bellowed, "Yugi! All boys have the same thing on their mind. The difference is that a real man knows what he's doing."

Yugi blinked again.

"Never put your stinger inside your bird without first protecting her. As I always say, 'rain jackets protect from the rain, and should be made of the right materials to keep it all out'. This is the one case where you wouldn't want the soufflé to rise, and ummm... Well this is making me hungry now."

"All right, Grandpa," Yugi said, discomfort ringing in his voice.

The doorbell rang. Yugi was only happy to oblige himself out of the awkward conversation. He trundled down the stairs and opened up. It was Jonouchi.

"H-hi," Yugi said, out of breath; or, perhaps, out of calm.

Jonouchi looked at his feet. "Hey."

Yugi's brain forgot what to say. "So..."

"So yeah, I guess I forgot my keys. Um... And..."

"Oh, yeah, Grandpa found them."

"Ok." Jonouchi's eyes lifted up, traveling up on Yugi's legs, then stopping at his mid waist - his eyebrows raised.

Yugi looked down, saw the shape of his own erection through his pants. He quickly zipped them up.

"Oops," he said meekly.

Jonouchi didn't react, merely looked away.

So they both stood, waiting, standing awkwardly at the narrow door's threshold.

"So... Can I come in?"

"Oh! Yes. Yes. Sure. Uh, come on in." Yugi was blabbering on again. He wanted to slap his forehead. Since when had being around his best friend, the one person he was truly comfortable with, felt so positively nerve-wracking?

Yugi found himself wondering whether or not Jonouchi was staring at his ass as they walked up the stairs. He became self-conscious, and jogged up until he reached the door. He looked down to see Jonouchi slowly climbing up, pointedly looking at his feet. Yugi took a deep breath to calm himself down.

_Relax, it's just Jonouchi. _

Just Jonouchi?

No, the broken best friend who was coming into his home sadly _wasn't_ 'just Jonouchi' anymore.

Yugi grabbed the keyring on the counter and handed it to Jonouchi, who wordlessly put it in his pockets.

Jonouchi still stood there, shifting his weight.

"So, um, what's up."

"Nothing. I mean, we saw each other at school today. Nothing's happened since then."

Yugi instantly regretted the slight snark in his voice. Jonouchi was evidently as nervous as he was.

Gah! Why couldn't they... just... _talk _to one another? Yugi turned on his heel and headed for his bedroom, knowing Jonouchi would follow him.

And follow him he did.

Yugi looked at Jonouchi before they were to enter his room.

Jonouchi was looking away, and was not his usual self at all. There wasn't much that could help that. This whole thing was weird, and last night was not the norm at all. How was he to expect Jonouchi to just act normal when they were no longer that? It was like _cheating_ on Anzu... with Jonouchi, of all people.

"Yug', I don't think... it's the best idea."

Yugi just stared at Jonouchi, gaping a little, his mouth dry.

"I got my keys... so I can get into my apartment now."

Jonouchi looked away, then turned to leave.

"Wait! Um, Jonouchi..." Yugi wasn't actually sure what he wanted to tell Jonouchi so badly. Maybe he just wanted him to stay a little longer. "You should hang out with me tomorrow. Not at my house but... I dunno," He swallowed, scratched an itch on his elbow, "Wanna go grab a bite tomorrow after school? You know, just to have some... some _guy_ time?"

Jonouchi turned back and seemed to consider the idea for a moment.

His eyes flickered to Yugi, to the living room, to Yugi again, to Yugi's feet and waist and face... The silence was thickening in the room.

"Anzu's coming over in twenty minutes."

Jonouchi's features darkened a little. "Having some girl time of your own," he noted.

"...Yeah, I guess."

Jonouchi started jingling his keys inside his pocket. "Thanks for letting me stay over."

Yugi put his hands in his pockets. "Um, yeah."

_Don't just say that! Tell him you liked it, too! Ask him about… Ask him if..._

"So I guess I'll go then. Don't want to get in your way," Jonouchi stated evenly.

Yugi's face fell, but Jonouchi was already out the door.

.

Yugi sat on the dining room chair and put his hand over his forehead to check if he was sick or something.

Nope, normal temperatures for this guy.

He had no excuse for the way he was looking at his friend. How could he do this to Anzu? He loved her. Everything about this situation was crushing and overwhelming. He felt as if his insides were all acting independently. Duality in his heart; it was so confusing.

"Yugi?"

Yugi lifted his head.

"Yugi? Can I come up?"

He heard Anzu from downstairs in the game shop. He ran to the door and stood on top of the stairwell. "Come on up, Anzu. I prepared some snacks for our study session."

Anzu laughed. "You're the sweetest boyfriend." She ran up the stairs and hugged Yugi.

Yugi felt a pang of guilt echo in the hollows of his stomach. "Uhhh- You too, Anzu."

Anzu pulled away and looked at Yugi with a smile. "So, I'm a boyfriend, eh?"

"You know that's not what I meant!" Yugi blushed.

"Tee-hee. I know that silly. When did you get so serious?" She kissed him on the nose. They walked into Yugi's bedroom room and sat down, he on the bed and she in the chair, as usual.

Yugi started to pull out books from his backpack.

"So, we're going to do our homework," Yugi said awkwardly, "I'm actually mostly done already. If you want to double-check what I already have, that would be great."

Anzu stopped what she was doing. She played with the ring, twisting it around her finger like it was a screw. Then she willed her hands apart, dangling at her sides, and took a deep breath. Then another. Then she looked at Yugi in the eye.

"I wasn't going to say anything... but, I think I should just come out and say it."

Yugi felt panicked. Did she _know about_-

"Yugi, I tried to hint it on the phone but... I really want to have more than just sitting in the same room as you. I love you and if you aren't ready to do that kind of thing I understand, but...I guess what I am really trying to say is, I really want you to _kiss _me." Anzu spoke so quickly and frantically that it was dizzying. Her strange kind of resolve was off-putting.

Yugi swallowed. "What... Here?"

He saw Anzu's eyes dart briefly to his pants, and so did he - gosh, his fly was still open - and then back to Anzu's eyes, which were everywhere else. She was gripping the seat of the chair with both of her hands. Yugi's remanent erection wasn't lost on either of them, and the way her breasts were squeezed between her straightened arms, visible from under her cardigan, didn't help. Yugi couldn't look anywhere else but at her chest.

"Yes... here," she replied, and before Yugi could say anything she was sitting next to him on the edge of the mattress, looking at him like she was expecting him to do or say something crucial, and Yugi had no idea what it was. He returned her pleading gaze.

"Okay," he murmured. He gave her one last look in the eye, before it would be too late (for what, exactly?) and ran his upper teeth on his lower lip to wet it a little, taking in the close sight of Anzu's dimmed winter freckles. Then their faces were an inch apart, tilted; their lips touched, effortlessly, embedded in one another, Yugi delicately capturing Anzu's lovely, curvy upper lip between his own. She closed his eyes, and Yugi felt the soft brushing of her eyelashes against his own, and then he closed his eyes, too.

Yugi opened his lips tentatively and let out a yelpy little moan when he felt Anzu's arms reach out for his nape, encircling his neck. His bare shoulders felt cold at the touch of her soft forearms, and maybe because he was curious, Yugi returned the gesture but went for her waist - a sliver of an opening appeared between Anzu's teeth and a timid tongue darted out.

It didn't taste like anything; actually, the act of kissing in itself was odder than Yugi had imagined, but when Anzu drew him closer and her soft breasts squeezed gently against his chest, a decisive flux of blood rushed to his groin, and his left hand moved to cup the side of her breast before he knew what he was doing. Anzu backed in surprise, retreating from the kiss, but leaving her arms where they were.

"Yugi...!"

"I'm sorry," he apologized immediately, dropping the guilty hand at her side, close to her hip. Their eyes were open but not quite meeting.

Anzu frowned a little and shook her head. "No, no, it's okay," she tried. "I was only surprised is all, I don't mind," she said without too much conviction, but Yugi's pants felt tighter upon sensing the vulnerability in her voice and - Yugi couldn't understand it himself - he wanted to press on. He resumed the kiss and Anzu opened wider this time as if to eat him of something and their noses bumped and tongues missed their aim and soon they were wet and rough around the lips, making almost comical efforts not to moan or exhale too loudly in fear that the great-patriarch in the living room might hear them. Anzu's fingers began massaging Yugi's scalp tentatively, and he froze for a second before placing his idle hand on the gentle curve of her backside, where it fit perfectly. Anzu drew a sharp breath but didn't move or protest, giving Yugi's teeth and gums another enthusiastic lap.

"Let's lie down," Anzu pulled away to suggest without warning, and when Yugi opened his eyes again he saw that she was red around the lips, where his teeth and tongue had wandered (by accident or not).

"Lie down?" The memory of Jonouchi's sleepover, and his own attempt at reenacting it, came back to Yugi's mind. They couldn't possibly lie where... where he and Jonouchi had...

"Yugi, don't worry," she assured him, framing his face with her hands. "I want this."

She'd mistaken his reluctance for a kind of concern Yugi wished he had. His hands began rubbing Anzu's forearms up and down, slowly, absent-mindedly.

"It's...I don't know, we don't have to hurry, Anzu..."

"... I only meant to make out lying down, so that we'd be more comfortable, not..." She couldn't help but glance at his pants again, and this time when her gaze met Yugi's again it felt more honest.

"Okay."

They fell back on the bed, him on Anzu, first, then by her side, and the kiss resumed slowly. His lips first glided against hers, then drew back, then Yugi just looked at her for a moment, trying to assess the... what was going on.

He couldn't help but think that her head was lying in that same spot his own had when Jonouchi and him were talking yesterday, about handjobs and dating and girls in general, and he wasn't sure whether he felt more guilty about letting Anzu soil the memory - if that made any sense - or about thinking about Jonouchi in the first place while he was spending some actual quality time with his girlfriend... for the first time.

The bulge in his pants had toned down considerably.

"... You don't like it? I'm probably a bad kisser," Anzu said apologetically.

"N-no, no, it's not that."

Heck, Yugi probably wasn't a great kisser, either.

"Then what is it?" Anzu asked needily.

"I'm just thinking," Yugi paused to look around the room, "I never thought you and I would be doing this one day."

"Hm," Anzu acquiesced, but what exactly, Yugi had no clue.

"I'm really glad you're my girlfriend," he said evenly, lacking that crucial conviction that was a sure sign of true love. "I think you're a good kisser," he lied. Well, it wasn't a lie. He didn't know whether she was a good kisser or not, he just hadn't been able to immerse himself in the moment enough to find out. He glanced at the pillow again, and as if to hide his motives for doing so he teased a brown bang of hair that had slipped on her forehead, and secured it behind her ear.

She smiled, and _this time_ Yugi firmly disliked the relief he saw on her features.

"Maybe we could stop here for today," he suggested.

But a hand on his hip thought otherwise. A second later, Anzu's lips were on his again.

Yugi turned and fumbled, struggling not to break the kiss Anzu was directing, until he _had to_ break the kiss, hitch himself up on his elbows, then placing his right forearm on her chest, his hand loosely fisted somewhere between her breasts.

This was exactly how Jonouchi was when he delved into the kiss yesterday, and now Yugi both wished for Anzu to take his hand and that he'd done the same yesterday - but maybe Jonouchi would have freaked out-

"Yugi."

"Hm?"

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we should stop here for today."

"Okay."

In the living room, the faint sound of a car engine roared, signaling the beginning of a commercial break during which Grandpa would stand up and replenish his tea cup or something.

Yugi drew back and sat up, crossing his legs, watching Anzu as she did the same, adjusting her cardigan so that it didn't make those awkward ripples on her chest, then giving her lips a timid wipe with the back of her hand.

They both broke into a brief bout of nervous laughter, and hearing the distant sound of the toilet flushing somehow made things funnier than they were.

Anzu reached for Yugi's idle hands, toying with his fingers, giving them little massages.

Then, a knock on the door.

"Yugi, make sure you tell your friend to be out before eight thirty," his grandfather said through the door.

"Okay!" Yugi turned to Anzu. "I wonder if he really thinks we're doing homework."

Anzu looked thoughtful for a moment, then her jaw dropped as her eyebrows raised. She hastily placed a hand in front of her gaping open mouth.

"What?"

"I just realized... I let my backpack by the door with my shoes."

Yugi eyes grew even wider.

.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN** - Hey thanks for holding on to the story! We're back and should be able to update more frequently over the next few months. Thank you to those who subscribed, fav'ed and left a review! -_Jou & Milly_

**Shame  
><strong>a YuGiOh! fanfic by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly  
><strong>YugiJonouchi**, Anzu/Yugi

.

Chapter Four

.

Jonouchi normally would have to lift his bike up all the stairs but, it seemed pretty useless, to you know, carry something that was out of order. He'd had to walk here uphill all the way from the end of his paper run.

His bag had been extra heavy and even though it was now an empty shell, Jou could still feel the thick strap digging into his shoulder. He set the bike on in the apartment hallway, not even bothering to wipe off the sweat accumulating on his brow. Greater trials awaited him.

How did you even fix a bent wheel? Could you flatten it? Did he have to buy a new wheel? A new _bike_? But more importantly, would his father be home, with nothing better to do than assess the damages and blame Jou for everything from Murphy's Law to his botched divorce?

But meh. Unless his father took off early to gamble before work there was a big, big chance that the big bad would be there, waiting for him, arms crossed and everything, looking for something to berate Jonouchi for. At least he knew the subject of the scolding this time. Better than the wild things his dad would find to get upset at him for.

When he set down the bike at the top of the stairs, his arms sprang up, as if they were still used to the weight. Jou had been awake for a while now, and he cheered himself up by thinking that for most people the day was just beginning and that he had the whole day ahead of him just like everyone else! From down the hall he could hear his neighbor's music blaring. _She must be cleaning_, Jonouchi thought. Which neighbor was going to yell at her first?

He sighed and attempted to open the door. The locked door. Maybe there was hope that his father wasn't home after all. He unlocked the door, slowly pushed it open, poked his head in, and when the coast was clear, he took his first step inside. The bike swung awkwardly over the threshold, hitting the door, causing Jonouchi to flinch.

Quickly he walked his bike the rest of the way inside, without taking his shoes off. _Maybe I should put it in my bedroom to hide it_, Jonouchi thought. His dad was eventually going to find out and there was really no way to hide that his bike was broken. If he hid it, he would only get in more trouble. Jonouchi took the bike back to the balcony.

Jonouchi looked back over through the sliding glass door. He couldn't help but wonder where his dad was. Not that he wanted him here. He might have been worrying at best, but not - definitely not wishing his presence. Although it would've been nice to hear a 'have a good day at school Jou' or having warm pop-tarts in a small plate where he usually sits at the kitchen table. He could always dream.

Jonouchi threw his book bag over his shoulder. He hadn't done any of the homework. There just wasn't enough time with a job, school during the day, and all the craziness after school, taking care of his dad... everything, Yugi. It was all too overwhelming. Somehow in the midst of all this chaos he was supposed to find time? He needed to take a shower. He felt gross. Jonouchi looked at the clock on the microwave. Shook his head. "Not enough time," he disgust. He looked towards the bathroom with yearning. As fast as he could Jonouchi threw his school jacket on the floor and turned on the sink and started rubbing his armpits with muttered. Lifting up one arm he smelled himself and crinkled his nose. "Ugh," he sighed in water. It never seemed to matter if Jonouchi put on deodorant or not, if he rode his bike around for a couple of hours he was bound to smell. When he picked his coat back up it had some dribbles of water on it but that didn't matter. He had to get going.

.

The cafeteria smelled of other boys who had splashed water under their armpits and called it good. Jonouchi headed for their usual table, sniffing his own armpits on the way, hoping he didn't smell too much. Maybe the smell was in his clothes or something...? Well, no use worrying about it now.

"Hey Jonouchi!"

She was so cheery, Jonouchi had to look around himself twice before he found the source of the voice. "Oh hey Anzu. Uh, what's up?" Because something _was_ up. Something _definitely_ was up. When Anzu Mazaki held her hands in her back, tilting her head on the side, some pretty big deal better be up.

"Nothing. I'm just happy to see you!"

"Yeah and about...?" He sat down in front of her. She'd barely touched the contents of her tray, and so Jou helped himself to her butter roll.

"About... About seeing my best guy friend who isn't also my boyfriend," she began more seriously, leaning towards Jonouchi, keeping her voice low.

"Okay. Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like this?" Last time Anzu came to him for advice was to ask him about whether or not it was okay to give a guy a flower on a first date. She'd been pretty transparent about 'the guy' being Yugi, and when Jou thought about it now, it made a little jealous. "So what kind of guy advice can I give you?"

"So me and Yugi were... ugh... kissing. I know you're a loudmouth, but please don't be telling everyone..."

"Anzu-" Jonouchi sighed but was quickly interrupted by Anzu.

"No buts. This is all confidential."

"I know-"

"So what do you do... after you know that a guy would like but it wouldn't be... seen as going too fast?"

Jonouchi raised and eybrow. "Handjob?"

Anzu shook her head. "No, I was hoping for something smaller."

Jonouchi snickered.

Anzu looked pissed. She huffed and stormed off. Jonouchi looked at the abandoned candybar on the table. He looked to up to see her look back at the table and realize that she had left it. She tried to continue to look angry but Jonouchi could tell that her own embarrassment was causing the corner of her mouth to upturn undesirably.

"Don't smile Anzu! You wouldn't want me to think you aren't mad!" Jonouchi yelled.

Anzu kept walking not wanting Jonouchi to see the huge smile on her face.

.

"Man, third period should be napping. Just that. Compulsory nap for everyone."

Joey always made it a habit to speak louder and generally more than anyone in the boys' locker room because getting undressed made him nervous, plain and simple. Honda on the other hand was a little too shameless in exhibiting his brand new abs.

Jou mentally registered where Yugi was when he heard the creaky hinges of the bathroom stall door. One of the guys made a side comment on how Yugi was like a girl in many respects. Jou tried not to think of Yugi that way anymore but he still had remenant thoughts from when he used to pick on him. His heart squeezed a little inside his chest. Jonouchi bit his lower lip just thinking about how soft Yugi's skin had felt. He remembered the scent of laundry-

"You can be such a pansy ass sometimes. You just hate volleyball." Honda tossed on a brand name red t-shirt that he'd bought for the gym.

"No, _volleyball_ hates me. I'm a cheetah!"

Yugi, who had surreptitiously emerged from the the bathroom, his normal clothes a small bundle. Jonouchi went silent as Yugi neared him, invading his personal space was unavoidable when their lockers were right next to one another. Jou tried not to let his gaze linger too long on the pale skin of Yugi's nape.

"How is it that you never get caught changing in the bathroom?" Honda asked, his voice semi-distant from tying his shoelaces.

"He's out of everyone's field of vision!" a boy yelled from a different row. A group of boys started howling.

Yugi laughed nervously. Jonouchi looked down uneasily, but said nothing. The laughter roared on, then died down. Honda had thrown Jou glances throughout the episode, waiting for Jou to say, to do something. Usually they both intervened when shit hit the fan for Yugi; it wasn't until today that Jou realized he'd always been the one coming to his defense. Honda was merely following suit. And today Jou was just frozen, not wanting to come across as too friendly, suspiciously friendly. Was there a boundary between 'too friendly' and 'friendly enough'?

"I'm just- I have to close my locker, Jonouchi." Yugi said meekly.

"Oh." That normally would've been a 'sorry Yug' plus a few blundered excuses for Jou to explain how he hadn't noticed it sooner that he'd been standing in the way.

But he merely took a step back, dumbfounded.

Yugi gave out a weak smile, but didn't dare look at Jou in the eye. Jou swallowed some more.

"I'll see you in the gym, slowpoke," Honda said before slapping Jou on the shoulderblade. Jou was still in his normal clothes.

"Er, wait bro," Jou said hurriedly.

Honda said something about not staying in watching another guy undress, but Jou didn't register. He was too absorbed looking at Yugi leave the premises, head low, scurried steps and all. Just like when he was bullied.

The other boys slowly left the locker room as well, leaving Jou alone with his scruffy runners, his smelly t-shirts, and his guilt.

.

Anzu was there in the hall, scanning the crowd with her eyes. She made a small wave, distanced herself from the wall she'd been leaning on.

"Yugi's gone home alone today," she said like they were in the middle of a conversation.

"Why're you telling me that?" Jou asked, feeling lowly for sort of at least having an idea 'why'.

"I don't know."

She really did look like she didn't know. She looked pretty nervous, actually.

"So um, I know I've been asking you weird questions lately but, um..."

"Yeah, I know. I was feeling dumb this morning." He scratched his head, then opened the heavy metal doors for her before they both stepped outside the school. They had at least four or five blocks in common to walk before parting ways. "But like seriously, I don't know if I can't talk about those kinds of things, like."

He didn't want to mention what 'those things' were, but they both knew. Sex things. Sex things that involved Anzu and Yugi.

Yeah. Sex things that involved Yugi and somebody else.

Jou shook his head to himself.

"What?"

_She saw that, you dumbass. _

"Nah, it's just..."

"But you've had plenty of experience with Mai I mean," she started anxiously. "I mean..." She cut herself short when she was the sour look on Jou's face. Even he was self-aware enough to know that he was grimacing.

"... Did you not do anything with Mai?"

Jou took and exasperated breath. "Made out and junk." Conversation: over.

"Oh."

Jou could see the wheels turning in Anzu's head. His heart rate picked up a bit. Or maybe it wasn't that his heart rate was picking up; maybe it was just that he was suddenly aware of it. Anyhow it felt constricted in his chest, and that wasn't a pleasant feeling.

"Don't really wanna talk about it," he said in a low voice, having at least the decency to be honest with her. And himself, for once. "Look, I gotta go this way. I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?"

Anzu stopped in her tracks, clutching onto the straps of her backpack. Jou turned away, not wanting to look at her slightly hurt, slightly needy gaze longer than necessary.

"Have a good evening, Anzu," he said in a flat tone, wanting it to sound like an apology, but not quite able to make that come across.

.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Sooooo, you guys want sex? Too bad. No sex yet.

**Shame**  
>a YuGiOh! fanfic by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly<br>Yugi/Jonouchi, Anzu/Yugi

Chapter Five

.

"I'm home," Jonouchi called.

He looked around the apartment to see what he had to do. Everything looked pretty clean. Nothing looked out of place or left out. Jonouchi could never help but to wonder if there was something somewhere that his father had asked him to take care of when he wasn't paying attention. Being at home didn't feel relaxing to him; it was nerve-racking.

Tonight he didn't really feel like second-guessing the cleanliness of the bathroom sink or when the towels had last been washed. He was too engrossed with his utter failure of a day.

Yugi.

Jonouchi shouldn't have let that happen. It was bad, bad, bad.

Normally he would have kicked all those guys asses without even caring if he would get suspended. And Honda might've joined in a little, even though some of these guys were buddies on the various sports teams he was on.

Jonouchi looked at the phone. Normally, calling Yugi wouldn't be an issue but, his dad had just complained about the phone bill not too long ago. He mostly yelled at him about one number that was called. It was the only phone call Jonouchi really made.

This whole thing was stupid. On the one hand, that was a really lame excuse not to apologize to his best friend. On the other, surely there was a way not to attract his father's wrath; he really didn't need any lectures of worse, angered shouts from a potentially drunk man. The man had started hitting the bottle a little more often he should now that the liquor store close by was running a clearance sale on cheap scotch.

Jonouchi thought for a few more moments before finally deciding that he had to see Yugi.

He looked at the door.

.

Yugi sat on the edge of his bed, looking outside through the thin slits of his horizontal blinds. He saw the fast food sign across the street, the traffic lights, and the KC towers rising above the smog of downtown Domino. He could make out the shapes even though half the picture in front of him was obstructed by the blinds.

This is how I see reality, he thought. I can only see so much out of every slide, and I make up the blind spots in between. I make them what I want them to be.

Oh Jou.

He sighed. Well he would've sighed, if he didn't have a huge lump caught in his throat.

Yugi knew he shouldn't have allowed himself to believe his bullied days were over. Today had been a bitter reminder. He didn't know what was worse; to hear the guys' candid comments about his physique, to know that they knew he was there when they said them, or to see Jonouchi not react at all.

Honda - that was no big deal. He was always more of a sheep anyway, and he had some ties with the jocks that he didn't want to damage. He had a reputation to maintain, and it was a miracle already that he also be friends with the little nerdy shrimp Yugi Mutou.

So when Jonouchi called himself his best friend, was that just a white lie? A funny friendly thing to say just to make Yugi feel good about himself? When Jonouchi kissed him that night, Yugi had thought it to be at least affectionate. It was weird and unexpected and awkward but it had definitely been, on Yugi's part at least, affectionate. His mind might not have been fully functional when it happened but his heart had been at the right place.

And it had just felt right. Well Yugi definitely wished it to be- oh...

He swallowed a lot of nothing to keep the tears at bay.

Now he was more ready than ever to believe it might have purely have happened out of a desire to... experiment. To see what an experience with another male would feel. To see how far Yugi would let him go? To see, maybe, how far Jonouchi was himself willing to let himself go.

He knew Jonouchi hadn't grown up in a house especially tolerant towards homosexuals. Not that Yugi was one himself; he was dating a girl, after all. And he was very much attracted to her body, to her hips and her breasts - not that he didn't appreciate her for who she was. She was his best female friend, and she had a wonderful personality, even though she had acted a little strange recently.

This was his fault. He cheated on Anzu. He deserved all of this. He didn't really have the right to be able to keep everything at once. They said friends and lovers don't match.

"Yugi...?"

Yugi looked to see Jonouchi's hair and one eye peering from his cracked open bedroom door. He looked away before he could process that he had definitely not heard Jonouchi coming in.

"Um, I'm gonna come in, okay?"

He did.

"Uh, if you don't want me to come in, uh..." The rest trailed off in a puddle of 'it's okay I'll understand'.

Yugi shook his head as if to dismiss' Joey self-rejection. "It's okay," he started, but stopped immediately because his voice was cracking. He then took a deep breath to calm himself down, smooth the edges of his thoughts. He didn't want to mess up. He didn't want to beat around the bush. But he didn't want to express himself rudely, without thinking, either.

"Hey, I wanted to say, um..."

Yugi could tell by the quality of his voice that Jonouchi was still standing in the doorway, forbidding himself to step any closer. At this very moment he wanted to drop every ounce of guilt and resent he'd been harboring towards himself and Jonouchi the whole time. But he still felt shaky and his voice was sure to betray him if he were to speak right now. He let out a deep breath in staccato breaks, swallowing harder, wishing the sting in his tear ducts to just leave him alone.

"Yugi, um," Jonouchi started, his voice uncharacteristically low, "I was... You know, today..." Yugi still faced away, closing his eyes and biting his lips.

He had no idea how badly he'd been wanting to hear this. His chest felt heavier by the second.

"I haven't been a good friend today."

Silence stilled in the room.

Maybe this was the right time to listen to Anzu's advice, and to expect a little bit more out of people. More precisely, to demand a better apology from a close person who had failed him in the worst of ways.

"I'll-" Jonouchi started again, unnerved by Yugi's silence. "I'll kick their asses tomorrow I swear," he added in a lighter tone that was meant to be humorous, to break the tension.

But that wouldn't work on Yugi. "You know I don't like violence," he said solemnly.

He could hear Jonouchi shift his weight, play with the loose coins in his pockets.

"I know. I know I don't really deserve for you to be always all forgiving and stuff. I mean, once was enough. Once was plenty."

There had always been unspoken rules between them, that they wouldn't ever discuss the state of their relationship before they became friends. Neither of them needed to remind themselves, and one another, how needy and weak they'd been before finding each other.

Yugi stood up to close the blinds completely, the metallic sound resonating through the otherwise silent room.

Jonouchi closed the door behind him.

There was no point in Yugi hiding from Jonouchi now. He turned to face Jonouchi, not caring whether or not the room was dark enough to conceal the dark red rims under his eyes.

He lowered his eyes to the ground, unable to uphold Jonouchi's earnest gaze. Yugi didn't want to read any pain into his best friend's face; it would just be too much to bear.

Still, from the corner of his eyes, Yugi could see Jonouchi give his head a light shake, and step towards him until they were inches apart. When Jonouchi spoke his voice was low and raw.

"I know I shouldn't but-"

He leaned in and ran a finger under Yugi's chin, lifting his head up slightly.

Yugi closed his eyes, and let himself be kissed.

Then Jonouchi drew back.

Yugi opened his eyes, keeping them downcast. He encircled his arms around Jonouchi's waist, where they fit perfectly. Jonouchi's hand ran up to Yugi's nape, holding his head as their lips intertwined again. Yugi's spikes ruffled against the metal blinds behind him. Jonouchi leaned in again, not caring about putting himself in a slightly less comfortable position himself if it meant making sure that Yugi wouldn't have to tiptoe or crane his neck too much. The softness of his lower lip between his own made him forget about the tension slowly building up in his back muscles.

Then Yugi threw a timid tongue in the mix, which made Jonouchi forget all about the necessity of this thing called balance. He instinctively pressed a leg between Yugi's legs, sending both of them crushing in the blinds.

"I'm sorry," Yugi said by reflex.

"I'm not," Jonouchi replied, a wonderful gleam in his eye.

Yugi risked a glance at the bed.

Jonouchi looked down, risking a smile.

Yugi's eyes widened as well but out of panic - his breath caught in his throat. He was obviously very much enjoying this, but what about Anzu?

Jonouchi firmly pressed his lips against Yugi's forehead and left them there, holding Yugi tighter in his arms for a moment just to make sure he really was there, that this was real. Then he pulled Yugi off the crushed blinds, and nestled his head in the gap between Yugi's head, and his shoulder.

"I don't care what happens from here. I'm lost but I'm not sorry and I'm not hiding," Jonouchi said softly against Yugi's neck.

The closeness of Jonouchi's voice sent a pleasant shiver run through Yugi's spine - and planted a smile on his lips. Very much against his will.

And also against his will... He felt himself harden.

He pushed Jonouchi away. "This is wrong."

He saw a glaze setting over Jonouchi's eyes, as if he wasn't registering. Oh gods had Jonouchi felt it? Was Jonouchi just as hard? Somehow Yugi grew even more aroused by the thought.

"I... I mean Anzu-" he stopped himself, feeling very low for bringing in that excuse.

"What about her," Jonouchi said, his level voice indicating he very well knew what about her.

Yugi opened his mouth to speak, let out a defeated sigh and untangled himself from Jonouchi's needy grip. He pursed his lips, swallowing the knot in his throat.

"I'm not being fair to her," he realized. "Jou-" he started again, returning Jonouchi's lost gaze, "It's not even-" his voice cracked a little, "Jou- this is worse than cheating. I've been unfair to he from day one. I thought this was it, you know? I've always... Oh god."

Yugi turned to face the streets of Domino again, spying at the rush hour traffic through a wider slit of the blinds.

He knew he wasn't being a great communicator to Jonouchi; he was barely making sense of his own story at the moment. Of how safer he'd started to feel in the social ladder now that he had not only friends but a girlfriend on top of everything. And how reassuring it felt to know that the love, the affection was mutual between himself and Anzu, himself and Jonouchi.

How reassuring it was to feel like he was normal. Straight.

"Yugi... I said I wasn't sorry, but I'll stop and never try again if you want me to."

The traffic lights, the fast food sign, the KC skyscrapers were blurry through his watery eyes. Yugi hugged himself. His arousal was long gone.

"I can leave. I'll leave. I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry." Jonouchi shifted on his weight. Yugi could hear the ruffling of his pants.

"No." Yugi looked up to the ceiling for answers, and to keep the moisture that had built up in his eyes to leak. "Wait," he said in a breath, his chest heavy. He'd never felt so vulnerable. Not once in his life, from taking a blow from a bully or being rejected by a classmate for a team project, had he ever felt so exposed.

"When I-" His voice cracked; he calmed himself down through breathing. Jonouchi simply waited, silent and immobile behind him. "When I solved the puzzle- you remember?"

"I'm listening, Yugi. Just go on."

Yugi smiled despite himself at Jonouchi's tampered impatience. "The puzzle came with a wish. So I made one."

"A wish."

"Yeah," Yugi chuckled. "I made one, because I was that desperate. I was so lonely, Jonouchi, you have no idea."

He paused. This was both harder and easier to admit than he'd thought.

"So I wished for a friend. I wished for 'true friendship'. I think that's how I worded it. And for a while there, I thought it had worked. It took a while but at some point I believed in the miracle. I was worthy of a friend."

He let out a deep breath and turned to Jonouchi, who wore a pained expression.

"You are my friend, Yugi- you really are. No matter what."

Yugi shook his head sadly. "That's not it, Jou."

"I don't get it. I thought-"

"We were friends Jonouchi, but it always felt so lonely being with you. I thought that I didn't deserve to ask for more, that I should just consider myself lucky to have you as a friend to begin with."

Jonouchi's lips parted, his tongue thick and useless in his mouth.

"I... I had no idea," he finally managed.

"I know. I didn't really understand it, either."

Jonouchi risked a small smile. He took his hands out of his pockets and held them out slightly. Yugi fell into his strong arms and just let himself be held, relief mingling with sorrow, mingling with the certainty that Jonouchi was and would always be there for him.****  
><strong>**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN**: We are loving that you are loving this fic. Because we love those boys together, too. Thank you guys for your support!

**Shame**  
><em>a YuGiOh! fanfic by <em>Jonouchi Katsuya_ and _yllimilly  
>YugiJonouchi, Anzu/Yugi

.

Chapter Six

.

They acted as if Yugi hadn't just confessed feeling a little a lot more than friendship toward Jonouchi. Twelve minutes and forty seconds sitting on the bed, side by side, like magnets with their polarities all mixed.

"So with Anzu."

"Yes."

Their voices were flat like birds to wet to take off the ground, questions sounding like statements, glances looking like coded messages.

"What- have you like. Have you guys-"

"A little."

This should be enough. They both knew it would be pointless to delve into the matter. But Jonouchi - he - there was Mai. There was not ever having kissed a girl before. There was Yugi always having kind of seemed his personal safety net. Until Anzu barged in, Yugi was like a constant to Jonouchi. He was that sort of eternally geeky friend with lots of free time for him. This kid who was not awkward, but oblivious around girls, and who would never end up dating someone out of Jonouchi's league. Yugi would never change, Jonouchi had thought, he'd be his quirky adorable little self forever.

That had proved wrong.

"We..." Yugi might have interpreted Jonouchi's reflections as wait. He didn't sound like he really wanted to expand on the boy meets girl topic, but somehow Jonouchi just had to know. His curiosity silenced him. "We started getting more physical I guess. Kissing..."

Jonouchi's stomach flipped. A bit. A quiet little flip that didn't want to be the center of attention.

"And it's different."

"Different how."

Yugi mirrored his uneasy gaze. Jonouchi's heart flipped.

"How was it kissing Anzu."

Yugi looked away, hiding his features from Jonouchi. He said nothing for a long time.

Jonouchi waited.

When Yugi spoke he made his voice very soft, so very soft it was whisper like, floating to Jonouchi's ear like a feather in flight.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you kiss me back then."

"I... I don't know, Yugi."

"I'm attracted to you Jonouchi," he said abruptly, his eyes pleading, disbelieving. "I'm attracted to Anzu. I can't make both of you unhappy."

"Yugi..."

I am attracted to you.

"You're not making Anzu unhappy if you're-"

"I'm cheating on her, Jonouchi. How would you feel if Mai had cheated on you?"

"I didn't mean a thing to Mai," he said defensively, instantly regretting the brashness of it. "I was just one of many."

And then:

"You're not one of many to me, Yugi."

"I know."

"You don't know."

"Jou..." He called out softly.

"I'm not - you and I are not into girls, Yugi."

"But I-"

"I don't think we should be afraid of that word, Yugi. We're both gay."

Yugi opened his mouth to speak, but Jonouchi beat him to it. Again.

"I've always sort of known... I wanted to see if Mai would sort of, like, make me wrong. She..."

She told me I should go out and experiment. At first Jonouchi hadn't wanted to try and make sense of that advice. And when he had no choice but to get it, he thought he could afford to just ignore it. Yugi turned to look at Jonouchi.

"I'm not gay, Jou. I don't like men."

"Yugi, I don't want to disappoint you, but if you kissed a man more than once, that makes you kind of gay."

"What, is there like, a magic number? Was I non-straight before I kissed Anzu?

Jonouchi couldn't help but wince. He really didn't like the mental image of Yugi's hands roaming on Anzu's body, his soft lips intertwined with hers.

"You're not straight." Jonouchi tried to think fast. "If you're really into her then I guess that makes you... bi."

"I'm not bi either, Jou. I don't like men. I like you. I like being with you, I like thinking about you, I like hearing your voice..."

"You like me."

Yugi nodded, then buried his face in his hands.

"But you like Anzu, too." It hurt. Saying that had hurt. It had taken him so long to realize -

Yugi nodded, then heaved a heavy sigh, his shoulders not really recovering from the slight fall.

"Look... I know.. I know this is confusing and I know that... I don't know." He shook his head to get rid of the confusion. "Look, what I'm 100% sure is that we're friends. Okay? You're my friend Yugi, nothing will ever change that. Trust me, Yugi..." And then the words caught in his throat. "If... If it weren't for Anzu..." He sighed. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that, like, I'm glad that what happened happened. Okay? But if you're going to torture yourself over it, then maybe we'd better stop."

He thought Yugi mouthed the words 'I don't want to', but he wasn't sure. What he was certain about though is that Yugi was about to cry.

What Jonouchi was about to do made no sense, but in this situation it was the most sensible thing to do, really. And it was what his gut feeling told him to do.

Just like when he'd crawled over Yugi, that night, and kissed him.

He peeled one of Yugi's hands from his face and held it in his own, not budging when Yugi turned his head away.

He didn't need to go around and experiment, like Mai had said. There was no need for that.

"Look Yugi, I'm all figured out. But you look like you need some time to figure it out. I can wait."

.

Miho loved to say 'no offense but' followed by something so offensive Anzu questioned if they were really even friends.

"No offense Anzu but your boyfriend is kinda fruity. Don't know if you noticed it."

"No, he is just sweet and sensitive," Anzu attempted to defend.

"And lemme guess, not like other guys?" Miho dug in.

Anzu was speechless.

"Anzu you said it yourself, Yugi just doesn't seem that interested in 'progressing'." Miho winked. "There is nothing wrong with being fruity but... if he isn't interested in you like that then..."

"He is interested in me Miho. He likes me for-"

"Your personality? Guys are never just interested in a girl for that."

"I just feel like it is different between me and Yugi. We were friends for a long time before we started dating and... I just feel like I know him so well already."

"Exactly. Anzu, friends don't make good boyfriends. The people who get in relationships with their friends are only in for heartbreak because they find out that their 'friend'," Miho air-quoted, "only wants them for their body, which is normal, their friend was hiding so much of themselves for all that time that they were just friends., that their friend sucks in bed, that I donno, that... they are gay and just using you as a cover..." Miho looked sympathetically at Anzu.

Anzu looked down at her lunch. "Yugi has been acting strangely since I told him that I thought he was going to fast..."

"Wait, you did stuff with him and he wanted to go farther? That changes my opinion a bit. Well unless he was just doing it so you wouldn't suspect."

Anzu glared at Miho.

Miho laughed. "Soooooo. Tell me about it! I am so happy for you that you were getting some. What made you chicken out though?"

Anzu sighed not wanting to fully answer Miho's questions. No way was she going to tell her every detail of that awkward first make-out session. It was just too personal and none of Miho's business."I just don't feel ready," she summed up.

Miho looked at her, confused. "It is like jumping into a pool. At first you feel the sting of the water and then you get used to the temperature-" Miho fanned her face, " And then it feels so nice you never want to leave. No need to be scared"

Although Anzu didn't really agree with Miho, she knew she had to say something. "Yeah I guess you are right. I am just not like you. I like to test the waters and wade it out a while."

Miho smiled.

.

In class Anzu couldn't stop looking at Yugi. Even though she thought what Miho had said was completely untrue she couldn't help but count the ways other girls have told her that her man was effeminate to them. She blamed it mostly on people's thoughts about shorter men. Shorter guys can be every bit as manly as taller women can be feminine.

Yugi is a sweet caring boyfriend who is devoted to me. That is a real man, Anzu tried to tell herself. But she still couldn't shake the thought that she might have overlooked something about Yugi. He didn't seem like he was keeping any secrets from her... until recently.

Maybe I am just a bad kisser or, I don't know, had bad breath...but how could that be - when Yugi wanted to go farther.

"Miss Mazaki? Are you paying attention?"

Anzu refocused on the class. Or rather, just put more effort into looking like she was paying attention.

Out of the corner of her eye Anzu saw Jonouchi and Yugi laughing. Somehow avoiding getting in trouble. Jonouchi poked Yugi. Yugi poked back.

Seemed normal for them but then Anzu started thinking or rather over thinking what she was seeing out of the corner of her eye.

Nah, if he were gay it wouldn't be with Jou, she thought. Jonouchi isn't that kind of guy. Besides, Miho doesn't really know Yugi all that well.

.

One two three days passed and Yugi felt like his connection to Jonouchi resembled friendship again. It wasn't exactly like before. It wasn't exactly like they were pretending that nothing was happening.

But still, somehow - Yugi made it a point never to mention Anzu in Jonouchi's presence. Like they weren't together, like she didn't exist, like she was a reality of her own.

And he made it a point not to mention that he'd agreed to go on a date with her. A real proper kind of date, something that normal couples do, something that doesn't involve video games or gaming or going to the arcade or dueling or talking about games in general at Burger World.

They were lying on a checkered blanket together, somewhere near the trunk of a tree. There was an uncomfortable root under Anzu's spot; Yugi had gallantly offered to swap, and she had accepted. He felt oddly good about the chivalry, and she didn't seem to mind, either. Maybe this was a thing. Maybe he could make it work. This would never have the spark that he'd felt when his body rubbed against Jou's, but there definitely was this sense of being comfortable with her, more so than with other girls.

"This was a good idea."

"You think?" Anzu sat down with the basket and started to pull out the food she had prepared.

Yugi kissed Anzu on the cheek. "Thank you Anzu."

They began nibbling at vegetables in silence.

"Does Jou have a girlfriend?"

Yugi wanted to change the subject. But then again, that rule - the rule that forbid him to speak of one friend in the other's presence - it didn't apply to Anzu. To Anzu, Jonouchi was still a common friend of theirs, he was Yugi's best friend and he was her friend a little, too.

"Why do you ask?"

He busied himself smoothing out the wrinkles of the blanket.

"It's just... A lot of the guys are sort of dating around one way or another and Jou..." She paused, looking pensive for a moment. "Jou is like, he can't keep anything to himself. I was thinking for a while that maybe he was seeing Mai or, well, maybe not her, but some kind of girl, right? That he had something going on and that he was not telling us. Anyway I was thinking that but Jou is such a blabbermouth - if he had anything going on, the whole school would know by now."

He waited for something nice to come up. But truth his, he just didn't want to talk about any of this. "Hm."

"Come on, you must know. You don't talk about girls?"

There. She'd offered him an exit - probably without realizing.

"No. We never talk about girls."

"So that means you didn't talk about... About me, either."

The implication was clear - you didn't tell him in detail about our makeout session, did you Yugi?

And the reality was that, well, while there hadn't been any details... Yugi just wanted to bang his head on something hard.

"Yugi?"

"No. It would be weird."

And then he gave her a nervous laugh that sounded pretty sincere, given the circumstances.**  
><strong>

.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN**: We're back with more bi-sexual teenage and drama! Thanks for your continued support!

**Shame  
><strong>a YuGiOh! fanfic by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly  
><strong>YugiJonouchi**, Anzu/Yugi

.

Chapter Seven

.

"Hello?"

There was no habit of announcing the Jonouchi family when answering the phone in this household.

"Listen up Jonouchi," a hurried, ragged voice started, "I got Kato breathing down my neck-"

"You've got the wrong number," Jonouchi cut before hanging up. He took a deep breath to try and get his heart rate going down. Somehow his dad (Kenji Jonouchi) still owed whomever and Jonouchi didn't want to be a part of it. If only his dad would agree to pay to get caller ID... And if only he'd get their phone number off the phone book! But if they did that, either the phone would simply become un-pick-up-able, or he'd have to make up some elaborate codes for when normal people wanted to call (ring twice, hang up, call back...). Normal people meant _Yugi_.

_Yugi Yugi Schmugi... It's always about you, isn't it?_ Jonouchi was all too aware of how he couldn't take the boy off his mind.

Truth was, Mai hadn't completely departed his mind, either. Which is why he'd taken the chance to go ahead and pick up the phone at this unholy hour - who knew if the voluptuous blonde wasn't in Domino right now, badly needing a place to crash at, a shoulder to cry on... or a young impressionable boy to play with, to fend off loneliness with.

Jonouchi accepted that he'd have to let the phone win that staring contest. He looked around the kitchen, opened the fridge by reflex. He liked to nibble on cheese and crackers in the middle of the night, mostly because of the thrill of getting away with meddling with his father's stack of food without him knowing.

Binge eating wasn't doing much. Sooner than later, Jonouchi felt an overwhelming 'craving for Yugi'. What was he doing? Was he awake right now? Would he be reading a book in secret with a flashlight under the covers, or rearrange his deck for the umpteenth time? Jonouchi brought his snack to his bedroom. He heard the persistent phone ring and ring and ring, and did his best to ignore the loan shark who was tormenting his family.

.

Yugi hung up the phone, disappointed that Jonouchi didn't answer. He had to be home; he said he had to go straight home, invoking some feeble excuse involving fear of paternal retribution, when Yugi had tried to organize a spontaneous arcade game night with Anzu and Honda. It hadn't caught on, of course, and everyone had sort of reacted adversely to the idea. Anzu was sated from their pastoral date; Honda, on the other hand, was Miho-deprived, and Jonouchi could barely contain his glaring at Anzu whenever she mentioned the word 'picnic'.

Yugi couldn't shake off the strange feeling that Jonouchi wanted to talk, but after the fourth call attempt, Yugi had to suppose he was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Everything just felt so _wrong_ since that night. Had it been wise to let go and cry in front of Jonouchi? Was it really necessary to talk about Anzu and how he felt about her? In a way it had... It felt right by Yugi's principles, but it felt like it had landed all the wrong consequences.

Yugi ran his fingers through his bangs contemplating the predicament he had landed himself in. Normally, Jonouchi was the one who had all the answers, because of his street-smarts, his sense of humor when times were tough, or how he could rally the troops so to speak even with the odds stacked against them. Or Anzu, because of her wisdom, optimism, and unwavering friendship over the years. And now both of his support resources were involved in his problem. If only he could solve this puzzle. It was times like this he wished Atem was still around. So he tried to put himself in Atem's shoes - and it was obvious that Atem would approve no more of romantic cheaters than game cheaters. Yugi sighed and threw himself onto the bed.

_Cheater_.

Tears welled up into his eyes and he hoped that his mother or grandfather wouldn't dare walk in his room without knocking giving him the chance to try and look like nothing was wrong. "I am such an asshole..." Yugi whispered to himself.

.

A day passed. And a week. Exams made easy excuses not to be around one's friends; not only Anzu (who had always been serious when it came to grades) and Honda (who was likely doing fieldwork in Miho 101), but also Jonouchi.

Now, we're talking about the guy who spent more time developing multiple choice answering strategies (based on shady statistical theories and a healthy amount of luck) than taking notes; the guy who crams his short-term memory with definitions five minutes before the exam and somehow manages not to fail; the guy who usually never brings his textbooks to school. _That _guy just didn't 'have to get home early to study'.

The study excuse served Yugi well at home, too, granting him early table leave and a reason behind the new sullen face (allegedly, 'stress') and the loss of conversation ability (some vague algebra concerns). He didn't react when his grandfather praised him for putting studies before his girlfriend, or when his mother tried to dissuade him from listening to loud music when he studied. They had no idea how fully taken Yugi's mind was with his new, impossible to sort, ex-best-friend-crush situation, even until the wee hours of night.

He didn't do well on the algebra exam.

.

"So like, I had a doctor's appointment _during_ the exam, so I'm going to do the _make-up_ exam instead. I asked Honda to give me the questions. I don't trust him for the answers though, like... I don't think he's stupid but, he's not super good at math. Oh hey, where's Yugi? He hasn't been around for a while. Are you guys like, okay and everything? You shouldn't distance yourselves in the first weeks of a new relationship."

Anzu finally swallowed her salad mouthful and managed to cut Miho's monologue. "It's just, there's been the exams and everything. My mom's super strict, she cuts my allowance if I get anything lower than a B."

"All the more reason to stick with Yugi. Doesn't he, like, get all the awards for math and stuff?"

"He actually doesn't - but he hides it well, I guess. He does look like a nerd." Anzu knew Miho was only partly interested in Yugi's true abilities at math. "So, um, how is it going with you and Honda?" Not that Anzu particularly wanted to hear about that topic - it actually was the one topic she couldn't stand anymore - but having Miho talk about Miho was a surefire way to get said Miho to stop prying into her private life.

"Mhn, no," the Queen muttered between two chews, "we gotta fix this issue you have with Yugi," she said like a talk-show host, pointing at Anzu with her fork.

"What issue? We don't have an issue," she tried to assert convincingly, but failed.

"Come on. You have to read more magazines, Anzu. Don't you know the Ten Signs of Boyfriend Disinterest?"

Anzu was quite clueless. But the word 'disinterest' made her shiver. The more time she'd spent away from Yugi in the last week, the less real their relationship actually felt. And that was just weird.

"Look, I can't fix your problems for you, Anzu. You have to fight if you want your love to work out. That's what we girls have to do. Boys aren't really attuned to those kinds of things."

It was hard to tell when Miho's advice was good, but Anzu trusted her gut instinct on this one, and decided to call it 'a sign' that it was time to have 'a talk' with Yugi.

.

Anzu felt uneasy in her seat, trying to grasp the meaning of what Yugi had just said. Did that mean - was their relationship _over_? She tried to swallow but her mouth was too dry to put her mind at ease. Could Yugi still love her if he was - if he was - had she heard that right?

She looked left and right for a distraction, but the soothingly impersonal setting of the mall's food court just felt overwhelming. She opted for staring at the gap between her thighs, then opened her mouth to say something but closed it again, unable to find the proper words. She wasn't even sure what she was trying to say. She didn't even know what to think! Why did he ask her out in the first place, if he knew he was gay? How can anyone even think of doing that?

"So, you like both?" She asked with a sliver of hope in her voice. The words kind of just slipped off her mouth. It wasn't the best question, but curiosity got the better of her.

Yugi nodded. "Yeah. I know it is kinda... weird and stuff but... lately I have been thinking about guys. I am totally in love with _you_ but-" Yugi stopped himself. He didn't know how to finish that without implicating his interest in a certain blond or making his girlfriend think that he was _only _interested in _guys_. He suddenly felt as if he was explaining it all wrong.

"But what? I don't understand, Yugi," she wanted to go on but her voice was about to crack. She felt a deep pain in her chest. _But what? _

Anzu had suspected that her boyfriend might be gay. He didn't usually do 'guy-guy' stuff, and he was too gentlemanly sometimes. Plus, Miho seemed to be really good at guessing these things, and she'd hit the bullseye on this. Anzu told herself she really should've paid more attention to her friend's advice.

"No! I really _love _you, Anzu!" Yugi paused, as if something had gotten caught in his throat. "I just wanted to tell you that..." He sighed - "I just wanted to be _honest_... I _want _to be honest with you, Anzu. Because you're important to me. That's the most important thing."

Anzu bit her bottom lip. Tears were welling in her eyes. "Maybe I didn't want to know," she said abruptly, her voice now officially shaky. "Maybe you should've been honest from the beginning." She scowled despite her best attempts at neutrality.

"I..." Yugi started to protest. But really, there was no excuse. "I know it doesn't justify anything, but I really didn't know, in the beginning. I don't even really understand now."

"I made you gay. I made you gay, didn't I?"

"What? No!"

"I haven't been a good girlfriend! It's because I wasn't ready, wasn't it? It's because I was too slow to go from first base, to second base, to..." She felt quite ridiculous that the sobbing should start while she was quoting some of Miho's nonsense on relationships.

"No, Anzu, no," Yugi said, patting her hand soothingly. He looked left and right, then got up from his seat across the table to the one next to her. Feeling somehow put off by this gesture, Anzu remained still when Yugi put an awkward arm around her shoulders... torso... waist. He eventually settled for the fixed chair's backrest. Finally he withdrew his arm, because it wasn't an especially comfortable position.

"Anzu... Say something."

They both knew she wasn't able to speak. Not right now. The last few sobs hiccupped out of her, then her chest and breathing gradually settled. She wished Yugi could hug her. But not _this _Yugi. Not her _boyfriend_. The old Yugi, the pre-boyfriend Yugi; her _friend_.

"I think I want time to think about everything," she said in a muted voice.

.

Yugi should've known from Anzu's anxious voice that something was up when she summoned him this afternoon. He had no idea that she would put him in a corner and straight out ask him what was wrong with _them_, with her. But never with him.

He wasn't ready to disclose just how messed up he was - loving two people at the same time? Of two different genders, to boot? And why did these two people have to be his two best friends?

Or was it even such a big deal? He'd cheated but... It's not like he'd wanted to hurt Anzu on purpose! It just happened...

.

"Anzu?" Miho's voice sounded different over the phone. Oh my God, if you're going to ask me to call Yugi and ask him about-"

"Yugi is gay."

There was, astonishingly enough, a minute of silence. Or something that felt like it, anyway, coming from Ms Opinion.

"Wow."

"Don't tell anyone. I'm just telling you because... You know about that kind of stuff. Plus, you already knew it."

"I didn't know, I was just guessing." She ended the sentence as if she was going to add on to it, but in the end, nothing. Anzu felt as if, for once, Miho didn't exactly know what to say.

"But you said he was kind of fruity." Anzu was twirling the phone cord around her finger, a nervous habit she had picked up from her mother.

"I don't remember but like, anyway. So did you guys break up?" There was concern in her voice.

"No, I... No..." Anzu let the cord drop and gripped her knee. "No, I said I needed time to think. I don't know what to do, I mean, time to think about _what_? I'm not the one who's gay. I don't even know why it took him so much time before telling me. I thought we were best friends - we were best friends for a long time _before_ we started dating."

"Maybe he didn't know how to say it. You know how Yugi is, he probably didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"Yeah." Anzu sighed loudly, unconvinced.

"Maybe there's more stuff he hasn't told you about, just because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings some more."

"What... what do you mean?"

"I mean, Anzu... I don't think he'd realized he was gay if he hadn't fallen for someone. I mean - maybe - he might not like, be _in love_ necessarily - like, maybe he's just curious or like, he,s gotten a crush on someone by accident - "

"I get it." Anzu sighed, and then some. She couldn't imagine Yugi having spent that whole week away from her to be with someone else. That wasn't very Yugi-like. But now that Miho was putting it that way, it looked pretty obvious that Yugi probably had someone else on his mind.

Which was, in a sense, almost _worse_ than cheating? What is a relationship worth, if your attention isn't fully directed to the one you're committed to?

"Do you think I should break up?" Anzu asked hesitantly, not wanting to hear the answer she already knew she was about to get.

"Well..." Miho exhaled. "Yes. I think that's the best thing to do. To just - you know, so that both of you take time to think things over. That way you can save your friendship."

"Yeah..." Anzu bit her lip. And as if by magic, Miho understood it was her turn to fill the silence during Anzu's temporary indisposition.

"Like, I don't think Yugi dislikes you. He's too much of a dweeb for that. I mean - that sounded pretty bad. Okay, I meant - that it's not that Yugi _doesn't _like you or anything, but like, it can get pretty confusing to realize you're not really in love with the person you're going out with. In a sense. Like, my cousin's first boyfriend turned gay, too, after they started dating. But now they're like, super close, they're like brother and sister."

Anzu nodded to herself, desperately trying to find some comfort in Miho's words. Brother and sister? Could that ever describe her and Yugi, the bond they share?

"I think it's normal when we're young and all, to not really _get _what love is all about, we get it all mixed up with friendship and hormones and all. So like, don't blame yourself, really, Anzu, you have nothing to feel bad about."

"But you _said _so, like, you said that I really had to be careful in the first weeks of a relationship..."

"That was totally different! I had totally no idea Yugi was gay. I mean, if anything, it's like you guys weren't in a relationship at all, in a way? Like, because you really were more like best friends, right? It's like, you guys just didn't know... I mean if Yugi had known he wouldn't have asked you out. Or maybe he was just trying to convince himself that he could be straight? If he dated you?"

"You mean Yugi _used _me?"

"No! No, more like... I don't know... Just like - like you said, you guys should take some time off from one another to think and everything, and then he'll be able to explain everything, right?"

"I guess..."

"Like, this must be so hard for you, Anzu. He was your first boyfriend, right?"

"Yeah," she murmured after a timid sniffle that Miho diplomatically pretended not to hear.

"And he won't be your last, either. You're a super cute girl, Anzu. Sometimes I'm jealous."

Anzu chuckled. "You're just saying that."

Miho chuckled some, too. "I'll see you in school tomorrow, okay? Just... Hm... Lemme think." There was a pause. "Okay, yeah, I think it's okay for you to break up over the phone since you guys just like, saw each other and stuff. Like, the conversation you just had is still fresh in your mind, you know what I mean?"

Anzu acquiesced, but her voice must've been a bare whisper.

"So yeah," Miho went on, "I think it's okay to break up with tonight him over the phone. 'Cause like, if you wait until you see him again, you won't be able to think about anything else in the meantime. You won't even be able to sleep or anything. Trust me, I've been there."

They bid each other goodnight, not without Miho alternately asking whether Anzu was alright, and telling her that she was going to be alright.

When they finally hung up, Anzu kept her hand cramped around the receiver, not quite ready to let go of it yet. She took a deep breath, then lifted it and started dialing Yugi's phone number right away.

.

_AN: _

_Yugi didn't explicitly state that he was 'gay', but Anzu is sort of confused and neither of them have extensive knowledge about sexuality and sexual orientation, hence Anzu's telling Miho that Yugi 'is gay'. _


	8. Chapter 8

**AN**: We've been busy, but we haven't dropped the story! Thanks for reading!

**Shame  
><strong>a YuGiOh! fanfic by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly  
><strong>YugiJonouchi**, Anzu/Yugi

.

Chapter Eight

.

Jonouchi double-checked his surroundings, looking left and right, as he always did whenever he unlocked the back door to his apartment. This was an absolutely _necessary_ habit for one living with a loan shark magnet. Jonouchi looked for little paper notes snuck below the door (none), in the bucket nearby (none), and who knows, in the peg box by the clothesline fixture. None. Then he allowed himself to calm down a bit, and caught sight of Yugi walking up the street. Coming this way.

Oh.

Yugi wasn't making eye contact, so he could've looked like he was just passing through, but it was obvious he was coming to see Jonouchi. What other business would he have in this neighbourhood? Jonouchi watched his old - former? - friend walk up to him, dragging his feet as if though he was dreading the confrontation as much as Jonouchi was.

Yugi didn't look up until he made it to the base of the stairs. He seemed startled to see Jonouchi looking at him atop of the stairs. He waved timidly.

Jonouchi waved back.

Yugi gave a meek smile. Jonouchi broke the ice and didn't sound as awkward as he felt.

"Hey, Yug'," he called out.

Yugi smiled softly. Jonouchi felt pretty relieved, too. Last week's pent up uncertainty had been nerve racking to him. Whatever 'having butterflies in one's stomach' was supposed to feel like, he now knew.

Yugi made it to the top of the stairs too slowly for Jonouchi's tastes. When he finally made it to the top, though, he found himself stumped for words. opened his mouth to speak, then simply put his hands in his pockets. They eyed each other silently for a moment. Yugi looked as if he was already 6 feet under. His eyes were sunken. His clothing was wrinkled. Jonouchi's hidden giddiness felt misplaced in comparison. Out of respect, and also because he was curious, Jonouchi waited for Yugi to open up first.

"Anzu broke up with me."

_Oh. _

"What?"

Jonouchi couldn't deny he wasn't one hundred percent unhappy to hear the news. And hated himself for it.

"She said we could still be friends but..." Yugi went on, carefully avoiding Jonouchi's gaze. He heaved an ungodly sigh. "She..." He shook his head. "It's over." Yugi opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it, then again... He shook his head again, dismissing some unspoken thought. "I just... I don't know what to do."

All of Jonouchi's energy was focused on keep his features as neutral as possible. The boys exchanged a few furtive glances. Yugi eventually let his gaze drop to the ground. Jou shifted his weight. He wasn't about to comment the event. Hell, he wasn't about to untangle the murky mix of glee and compassion he felt for his friend.

"She means a lot to you," Jonouchi supplied gently.

Yugi was grinding his teeth like a little child who was about to cry.

Jonouchi stepped forward and held Yugi tightly.

It took a few seconds (minutes? hours?) for Yugi to let himself melt a little, and longer for him to return the embrace.

"It'll... It'll be ok," Jonouchi said on autopilot. "She might just need a break, y'know."

Yugi sniffled as if to signal approval. Then he looked up at Jonouchi expectantly. Jonouchi wanted to say whatever would make Yugi happy and carefree again, but somehow, any mention of Anzu felt to Jonouchi as if though thousands of needles were digging into his heart. At a torturingly slow pace.

Jonouchi swallowed down the knot in his throat and asked despite himself:

"Wanna tell me what happened?"

After another potent sigh, and a tightening of his grip around Jonouchi's waist, Yugi muffled an answer into Jonouchi's chest. "I told her I was bi... and I guess she thought it was a nice way of saying 'gay'."

Jonouchi rolled his eyes. "It _is_." He chuckled - and felt slightly better for it. Yugi stepped back, however, then looked at Jonouchi with furrowed brows.

"I was kidding, Yug', I was kidding." Jonouchi scanned Yugi's face - he was having none of it. "But seriously, though," he added quickly, "I'm sure... Things will work out fine. I mean, your friendship with Anzu can't fall out overnight. You guys have been friends for longer than the two of us-"

_Because I was too busy bullying you_, he thought.

"I'm ruining everything, Jou. I don't want to ruin everything."

"You're _not_ ruining everything," Jonouchi replied hastily.

"I don't want to lose my friends, I don't want to hurt anyone," Yugi went on, sounding a bit lost, "Don't want to lose you... Or her... I don't want anyone to feel like they were betrayed."

Jonouchi's heart skipped a beat at the word 'betray'.

"You're not losing me," he said lowly, placing a strand of hair behind Yugi's ear. "You haven't lost me." Yugi's ear felt so nimble under Jonouchi's fingers; the skin of his neck, so delicate under the callused heel of his palm... He stepped even closer and averted his gaze. "I'm the one who kissed you that night," he said, his voice becoming but a breathy murmur at the word _kiss_.

_What the fuck is wrong with me_, Jonouchi thought.

Yugi looked at Jonouchi with a gaze surprisingly steady for someone who'd thrown themselves into their best friend's arms, weeping. Jonouchi looked back at him, but couldn't give him anything better than the timid outline of a gawky half-smile. He soon looked away.

"I-" the damn weight in Jonouchi's throat wouldn't go down- "I regretted it at first, I thought- " He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, not believing what he was going to say. "I thought you'd... that maybe you would..." He swallowed hard, and the rest of the sentence sank at the pit of his stomach along with the lost time and crushed butterflies.

"Jou..." Yugi said softly.

Jonouchi felt frozen in place, as if his entire body was set in invisible concrete.

"You're my _best friend_, Jou," Yugi said, refuting the unspoken statement.

_Best friend. _Jonouchi's heart dove, sank, came back afloat with a pop and a splash.

Yugi again. Fiercely. Needily. Just to make it triple clear - to himself - how he felt about Yugi. Because boy, he'd gone through every shade of the denial rainbow over the last week. But that dreadful week was over. Jonouchi, falling into step, had circled one arm around Yugi's waist, the other still playing with the fine strands of baby hair growing behind his ear.

Yugi finally kissed back. His hands clutched Jonouchi's shirt. Breathing became a necessity again. Jonouchi broke the kiss. "Yugi, you- I l-," he started stupidly, hating himself but not hating the rush of endorphins that followed, "I'm here. I'm right here. I'm always here if you need me. Always." God, could he sound cheesier than that? Yet, it felt just right. Jonouchi strangely felt like, for a split second at least, his racing heart was sitting at the very center of the universe.

The spell faded as quick as it came. They let each other go for a moment. The emptiness in their arms felt strange. Not caring about potential onlookers (not even considering their existence), Jonouchi grabbed Yugi's hand and opened the apartment door. "Lets go inside."

.

They somehow ended up in Jonouchi's bedroom.

Yugi nearly stumbled when his heels bumped against the mattress. Jonouchi tried to steady them both but Yugi simply let himself plop onto Jonouchi's sad excuse for a bed.

Jonouchi felt self conscious. Because of the mess in his room. Because of his feeling overly happy that Yugi be here with him despite having just gone through a breakup. Because of, let's be frank, his massive boner.

Yugi was nearly at eye level with the bulge in Jonouchi's pants. His lips parted - and then he looked up at Jonouchi, hesitating, or expectant maybe - and then nothing.

Nothing for now, anyway.

That wasn't exactly what Jonouchi had planned - assuming he _had_ had something in mind when he let Yugi in. So what... What now?

Yugi still waited, somewhat frozen in place. Jonouchi swallowed hard. Then stepped back. Then knelt on the carpeted floor so that Yugi wouldn't have to crane his neck. Jonouchi looked at Yugi, unblinking, searching for some answer in Yugi's unsteady gaze.

"Um..."

Jonouchi was straddling Yugi's lap before he knew what he was doing. He gently pushed Yugi back, felling him onto his elbows. Yugi parted his legs. Jonouchi's brain could register nothing except 'feeling Yugi's pulse under my groin'. Jonouchi decided he didn't know what to do with his hands, and stepped down. He let himself roll fall on his back, comfortable just _lying_ next to Yugi. For now.

They both studied the ceiling with keen interest.

Then, Yugi let out a constricted sigh. Jonouchi mimicked him despite himself. He winced.

This could go on forever, or this could end now.

Or actually - this could _begin_ now.

"Yugi..."

Another heart-wrenching sigh. Jonouchi rolled on his side so that he was now uncomfortably close to Yugi. He let his free hand hover about Yugi's chest - belly - and feeling strangely exhausted by the decision process, he let it fall on his opposite hip, where it rested comfortably.

There. Jonouchi closed his eyes, remembering how distinctly he felt Yugi's 'pulse' racing against his own. He felt his own heart beating faster and louder.

Jonouchi's breathing deepened as he slid his hand downwards. He was fascinated by the rough texture of the fabric. He pressed deeper, feeling the soft flesh of Yugi's thighs underneath. He stopped when his fingers arrived just short of familiar territory, wondering if Yugi was, just like he was, feeling a pleasant warmth _down_ _there_.

The answer must've been yes, seeing how Yugi felt the urge to pull the hem of his shirt _down_, turning his head away from Jonouch's. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down again, and his chest was heaving in short, shallow strokes. Immediately, Jonouchi withdrew his hand. But Yugi grabbed it - softly - and put it back on the side of his thigh.

"Are you okay?"

Yugi nodded hastily.

"Good."

The sun was setting. The room, without any artificial lighting, was getting darker by the minute.

"You know," Yugi started so softly his voice was barely audible, "I've been thinking about that day."

Jonouchi blinked in the darkness.

"A lot."

"Ah." Jonouchi wanted to slap himself. "That day...?"

"I thought about you a lot," Yugi neither clarified nor explained.

Jonouchi heard himself take a deep breath.

"Me too."

They stilled themselves when they heard the neighbours climb up the stairs, and Jonouchi gave in to burying his nose in Yugi's hair as soon as the door to their apartment closed, giving them back their silence, making them feel like they were alone in the universe again.

Jonouchi felt Yugi move, wriggle out from underneath him. The springs of the mattress creaked under the boys' weight. Jonouchi blindly reached out until his fingers bumped against Yugi's chest. Then drew back and dropped down until they touched the soft buldge, earning a startled whimper from Yugi who sat up straight, removing himself from Jonouchi's touch. Jonouchi saw and felt Yugi's limbs shuffle until the boy's groin was out of his reach. _Too fast? _

"You don't...?"

Yugi cut off the awkward, lingering silence with a kiss. With several kisses. Soft, light, specks around the lips and chin and cheeks and nose. Little kisses that were supposed to mean something, to be the answer Jonouchi was looking for earlier. He had no idea if the hinted blow job was still in order, or if Yugi decided that he was more curious about the bulge in Jonouchi's own pants...

"Yugi..." Jonouchi's lips became as proactive as Yugi's, sliding to the boy's neck and meaning business. He had no idea neck skin was so soft. And he'd never noticed before that Yugi's hair actually smelled nice. It was subtle, and it was nothing more than washed out shampoo, but it was there. Yugi's smell. Jonouchi laid one confident hand on Yugi's thigh. Then another. Jonouchi's lips ventured closer to Yugi's ear. He could hear the boy's heavy breathing in his own. Yugi moaned enthusiastically and grabbed Jonouchi's shoulder when he started nibbling on his earlobe. Jonouchi sent a finger sliding under the hem of Yugi's pants, somewhere below his navel, and everything stopped.

"Wait."

Their eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness by now. "Jou... You don't need to."

"You changed your mind?" Jonouchi asked breathlessly, still not daring to clearly voice the offer he'd made earlier.

"I... It's okay, Jou," Yugi retorted before turning his head away. "You don't need to do this."

"I _want_ to," Jonouchi replied earnestly.

The air in the gap between them seemed to clear, to settle. Their breathing relaxed a bit now that the spell was over. Jonouchi could see Yugi's monochrome silhouette clearly, now that his eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness. He took one deep breath and told himself that they didn't necessarily need to experiment tonight. There would be other nights.

Or maybe there wouldn't. Maybe Yugi would go back to Anzu, or she to him. Maybe there wouldn't be 'another night' like this, maybe either of them would tire of this dance and call it off.

Resigned, Jonouchi spoke up again. "But I'll understand if you're not ready."

"I _am_..."

Jonouchi didn't move.

"I am ready. I just feel like... you know, for _asking_... I played you and now I..."

"Yugi, you haven't _played_ anyone. You're not betraying anyone or messing anything up. _I'm _the one who took that first step, Yugi. _I_ am." Jonouchi looked at his surroundings, feeling suddenly quite ashamed of how trashy his place was compared to Yugi's. He'd feel ashamed if they had to experience any kind of 'first' in this environment. "But yeah, maybe we're a little fast."

"Maybe."

Jonouchi brought his knees down so that he could sit cross-legged. He ruffled his hair back into place - he'd had bangs sticking out here and there.

"But I meant it, though."

'Meant what?"

"That I'd always been there for you."

"I know," Yugi replied with some smile shining in his voice.

"If there's anything you wanna tell me, you shouldn't be afraid to. I'll listen. If you wanna talk about anything. I don't care if it's in the middle of the night, you can just call me. Or come here. You know where I live."

Yugi chuckled softly. "Thank you."

Jonouchi had already stretched out the extent of what serious matters he wanted to tell Yugi. He didn't feel like he should make an effort to fill the silence further. Maybe that silence is there for a reason.

"I just..."

The silence went from comfortable to eerie.

"You just what?"

"I don't feel like I deserve having a friend like you," Yugi finally said.

Jonouchi wasn't sure if he was adding on to his previous statement, or if he was opening a new conversation. But it didn't matter. They had all the time in the world. He began fiddling with the folds in his ruffled, worn out comforter.

"You can be too nice, sometimes," Yugi continued. "I'm sorry I played you-"

"You did _not_ play me, Yugi," he cut in insistently.

"Let me _finish_-"

"No, I'm telling you, you didn't play me. I knew what I wanted," Jonouchi asserted boldly, not quite sure that he actually did know what he wanted at the time, when he acted upon his impulses and kissed Yugi out of the blue. His heart must've known. Hopefully his heart was right.

Yugi pointedly waited a few more seconds before he resumed speaking. "I was just gonna say, I feel like I played you because I wanted your attention even more when I started being with Anzu. I really like her but... It just wasn't the same when you weren't around. And it's not the same when she's not around, either - I still want us to be back together, even though I really..." He took a deep breath and lowered the volume of his voice a notch. "I'm really happy here with you right now, Jonouchi. I guess I'm kind of selfish..."

_Anzu. Always Anzu_. Jonouchi suddenly lost fascination for the fabric on Yugi's skin and let go of it. Yugi wriggled underneath Jonouchi's arm, but was he trying to edge closer or away, Jonouchi didn't know. Eventually Yugi settled. The room was now pitch black save for the stretched imprint of the street light peering through Jonouchi's tiny window.

Jonouchi reached for one of his hands and started rubbing his calloused thumb against it. After a minute, he tugged gently on the limp hand, then let go and patted the empty space in front of him, as an invitation for Yugi to join him.

Yugi did as told, lying on his side so that he too was facing his friend. He reached for the deserting hand and locked fingers with it. The palm was sweaty.

"Say something, Jou."

His regular, somewhat heavy breathing was all Yugi got for an answer. He closed his eyes, telling himself that maybe Jonouchi was thinking, that he needed time to process everything. Plus, there was no hurry... They had all the time in the world. He felt peaceful. Just lying there, inches of one of the people he loved the most in the world, waiting for the evening to unfold. He'd imagined angry scenarios; he'd imagined violent scenarios, where Jonouchi got so mad he started breaking things, swearing, telling Yugi he didn't want to see him again. Thankfully, none of that had taken place.

Yugi then felt a hand on his hip, a hand powerful enough to spin him around so that he had his back resting against Jonouchi's chest, against his whole body.

His free arm roamed erratically on Yugi's chest, looking for a spot to land on. He settled for a wrap, holding Yugi tight, taking in his relief and anguish and fear and desire all at once.

"I think you can use a pound of selfish, Yugi," he said in his ear, "You've given me so much."

"Jou..." Yugi's voice was made tenuous by the tightening knot inside his throat.

Jonouchi held Yugi even closer.

.


End file.
